there is no if…

Remember the first time I told you I love you –
It was raining hard and you never heard –
You sneezed! and I had to say it over
I said I love you I said… you didn’t say a word

i was listening to this song when it reminded me of a time in a relationship when i would profess my love to my significant other and they would just sit there, frozen, as if they had never heard it. i was mortified. did i say too much? did they not feel the same way?

Remember the last time I told you I love you –
It was warm and safe in our perfect world –
You yawned and I had to say it over
I said I love you I said… you didn’t say a word

i remember that i had opened up my heart to another. i had left myself vulnerable and open. i had done all that i could, but was met with nothing. no acknowledgement, no reciprocation…nothing. as if you had never heard. so later, i had to say it over, i said, “I love you” and again it was met with silence.

probably any kind of sign would have been better than none at all. “i don’t feel the same.” or “i’m not sure i’m ready.” or “woah, nelly, you’re moving just a little too fast there, buddy.” something. just so i knew. it is probably one of the worst feelings i’ve been through to expose myself and for it to be ignored.

i think that when you do come to those crossroads, it sort of defines the relationship. it either brings you closer or starts to set you apart. it’s happened to me a couple of times in a couple of different relationships over the years and i have to admit that there’s some amount of anxiety about it. it’s not every day that you profess your love to another, and when you do, it should be a happy, joyous occasion. it shouldn’t be met with a loss of words. it shouldn’t be met with discomfort. if it is, maybe you just aren’t ready as a couple to take that next step, but you should at least acknowledge that you aren’t ready.


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