i will admit it. i do not like confrontation. i don’t like it because it’s usually difficult and painful and not fun. but i do recognize the necessity of confronting other people and communicating effectively to get resolution to problems. i can apply this principle in the work place just fine, but when it comes down to my personal life, it begins to get a little muddier.
i think intellectually i know that if something is bothering me, it may not necessarily be obvious to the other person that i’m hot and bothered. in fact, they are probably thinking that everything is just fine. who would blame them?
though it has been more of a struggle to confront people and tell them what i thought, i think that in the end it has worked out much better because then there aren’t these long periods of resentment held against each other.
the problem i have is that i think that i am generally pretty oversensitive about things, particularly when it comes to my friends. i remember a friend of mine made an off-hand comment about me and i was deeply hurt by what they said. maybe it’s my reputation that precedes me and maybe they believe the reputation instead of getting to know the truth. but when i realized what they really thought of me, it was pretty devastating. i was sad that they thought so little of me and i was even more sad that they didn’t know me better than that.
it’s not so much that i want to try and convince them that they are wrong or that i want to try and defend myself or anything. people can think whatever they want, and if some people decide to look farther than whatever’s skin deep then they may realize more of the truth. i used to find it really saddening to hear that so many of my friends misunderstand me so much…but it’s not my place to try and change people’s opinions.
i think about the people who i consider to be my closest friends and i think that why it is that i think they are my closest friends. some of them i don’t get to see much of at all. maybe once a year, if i’m lucky. and others i see on an almost daily basis. and i wonder what it is that has made them become one of my closer friends and i realize that there is a common thread amongst all of them. honesty.
there was a time a while ago where i had told some friends some lies about my whereabouts because i guess i didn’t really want them to know who it was that i was spending my time with. so instead, i made up excuses or other reasons when i was spending time with them. one of my friends had called me on it after they had found out the truth and it really shook me up. i never realized that these little lies of mine would undermine my integrity or my friendships. i just never thought about it.
but from that moment on, i swore that i wouldn’t lie to my friends. even if i was doing something that they may not approve of, i figured that they would eventually find out anyway, so i should be honest about it and just tell them instead of lying about it. it’s definitely helped me get out of situations where i feel very uncomfortable because of lies that i told or lies that i have to keep track of…and it’s made my life a lot simpler too. some of my friends surprised me because they didn’t react how i thought they would and were supportive of me instead of being critical and judgemental.
if you can’t be at your weakest with your friends…who can you be your weakest with?