being friends with an ex

how wise is it to be friends with an ex?

my personal take on this is that i think it really depends on how long you’ve been dating and how the break up went. the longer you’ve dated someone the further in extremes you reach. you can either never be friends again or you will always be friends forever. it’s hard to tell which way it’ll go, but i don’t think that there’ll be much middle ground.

there are some people who i’ve dated for a long time and i have absolutely no interest whatsoever in being friends with them. there’s just too much emotional scarring and it’s just a part of my life that i would rather forget. the thing is that regardless of how much i try to forget, i probably never will forget anybody i dated. part of that could be because of the psychological trauma that i went through, part of it is because they were valuable dating lessons. from every experience, i feel that i have learned something new. it helps shape what i am looking for and what i want. so it would behoove me to remember these experiences so that i know what i should avoid and look for in the future.

there are other people whose lives were so intertwined with mine that trying to unravel that seems like an almost impossible task. they have left their footprints on my soul and i have inexplicably affected my life. these are the people who i will most likely stay in touch with and hope to remain my friends. these are the people who i loved so intensely that the thought of them out of my life would feel like a void. a part of me would die if i knew that they were not in my life still.

do i think it’s a good idea to be friends with an ex? defintiely not immediately after the break up. both people need time to process their feelings and to get closure and to move on. the mark of being over someone is when you can see them dating someone else and being happy for them that they’ve found happiness. that’s the measure that i use to see if i am over someone or not. can i see them kissing someone else and not be bothered by that? can i be happy for them for that? because that’s about as bad as it’ll get and if you can deal with that, then you know you’re over it.

but still, the question remains…friends with an ex? i am friends with a couple of exes and friendly to a few more. there is a difference. to be friendly to one is sort of leaving them at an acquaintence level…being civil and all. but to be friends with them would require you to make the effort to talk to them…or to know that if you ever needed to talk to them that you could.

i guess the way i see it is that i would take things on a case by case basis and see what would happen. right now, there are few exes of mine that i am friends with…it’s a hard and painful process to start down that road of friendship once you’ve dated them, but in my experience it has been quite rewarding if you can get it to work out because these are the people who know you best. these are the people who understand you. these are the people who you would want to be your friends because they are the ones who are best equipped to help if you need their help.

4 thoughts on “being friends with an ex”

  1. it could be that the bf and the ex were meant to be just friends and that relationship of course can last indefinitely.

    however, what I’m curious about is how long has the bf and the ex dated before they split and became best friends…and how long has your friend been dating this current bf of hers.

  2. It’s weird, I know. My friend’s current bf is best friends with his ex, and my friend is totally ok with it. Strange, I know, but you can never tell. Some relationships last a lifetime.

  3. I think the most important thing is not to rush into being friends with an ex. Ugh, I am learning this one the hard way. My ex is currently staying with me while he finds an apt. Things have been tense to say the least! All the things I used to love about him are now driving me crazy.

  4. personally, I think it mostly depends on who’s being dumped in the relationship to want to continue the friendship. it’s easy for the one who did the breakup to suggest “lets be friends” because they had already realized that the relationship is not working out for them and that it’s probably better if they are just friends. but for those whose heart has been broken…hmm, how forgiving are they?

    I guess it also depends on what caused the breakup, why they broke up, and how did each person handle the aftermath of the breakup.

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