True Love Is Not Nice
-Jonathan Richman

Well, it hurts from the bottom
and it hurts down to your soul
that’s because true love is not nice.
And it brings up hurt from when
you were five years old
that’s because true love is nice.

Oh, pain, pain, pain,
ain’t that just love’s name,
love can bring up hurt
from way down low.
It now be emphasized,
true love is just not civilized.
True love is not nice,
no, no.

Well, you’ve been hurt before,
but now you’re hurt and sore.
True love is not nice.
And if it’s real love then
that hurt won’t go, well,
true love is not nice.

Oh, pain, pain, pain,
rain, rain, rain,
that’s why you felt love’s arrow and said, oh,
Well, you knew from your first flirt,
that love was here to hurt.
And that’s because true love is not nice,
no, no.

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i love jonathan richman.

the dating game sucks. pure and simple. well, actually, let me take that back. games suck. i really have a very low tolerance for games when it comes to dating. i think that when my heart starts to get involved, i’d much rather just act how i feel instead of acting how i should because of some silly rules that someone long ago made up…presumably because they really enjoyed the chase.

i do not enjoy prolonging the chase. get me to the good part faster!

i was watching this episode of andromeda (which is a really great show for any sci-fi fans…well, not really, but it has the beautiful lexa doig in it and that’s reason enough to watch…but really, it’s actually a pretty decent show too) and nia peeples was guest starring in it. wow, she’s purdy too. but her character is VERY flirtatious. it was all about the chase. and though it was all good and fun to watch, i think that if i were put into the same situation, i wouldn’t be able to show the same kind of restraint the recipient of that flirting had.

yeah, i don’t have that kind of self-control. =P

while i was driving to work today i had a bit of a revelation. i realized that one of the qualities that i really appreciate in a woman is if she is a little quirky. there are a lot of other qualities that i appreciate, but if she’s quirky, that does seem to speak to me a little bit more. some people find that kind of quirkiness to be weird, but generally speaking i think that i generally find it endearing…and that is cute.

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good taste.

my latest netflix batch is the last samurai (which i have extremely low expectations for and am hoping that it won’t be as disappointing as i think it will be, but because so many people have said good things about it, i’ll try…), along came polly (a movie that i will watch because i love jennifer aniston), and…wild things 2.

ummm…yeah. don’t really have high expectations for this movie, either. but i am a fan of the first movie and i feel compelled to watch the sequel…regardless of how bad it is. i fear that the movie may rank as badly as cruel intentions 2, but hopefully it won’t be as bad as bring it on again…because that was a truly painful experience that i would not wish on anyone else.

i’m trying to get back into watching more movies, but i’m also beginning to realize the serious time sink it is to watch a movie. luckily, the summer season has afforded me with more time to watch movies because of the complete lack of any good television, save for a few reality shows that are coming to an end soon.

last night i fell asleep rather early. i also went to sleep pretty early…around 11:30 or so. i woke up this morning at 5:20AM and i remember thinking to myself, “wow, i’m up a little bit before i need to.”

i figured that the alarm would wake me up and when it went a-blaring ten minutes later, i thought i hit the snooze button but it turns out that i turned off the alarm by accident. i later woke up to the stirrings of my loud roommate only to discover that my 9 minute snooze became a 3 hour snooze.

oops.

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me: hey, i saw you at q-cup over the weekend!
friend: what? oh really?
me: yeah, i was waving hi and said, “hey [FRIEND]!” but you just walked right by me like i didn’t exist!
friend: what? no way. where was this?
me: yeah! at the milpitas q-cup!
friend: oh…you hang out there?

everyone started laughing at how i was dissed. so sad.

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[url=http://leafee.ocliw.com]leeya[/url] wrote something that i think i have to respond to. she said that:

Personally, I don’t believe that it’s possible for exes to interact on a platonic level after a breakup…especially after being together for an extended amount of time. There’s just too much history to ignore—good and bad. On top of that, there’s the intimacy you’ve shared. How can you be near someone who you’ve loved both physically and mentally for a while and then act as if those moments have never existed? And can you be okay watching them moved on without you?

and i would have to strongly disagree here. yes, there is a lot of history to ignore and i don’t think that after you do break up with someone that you should just ignore the history that you had…especially after you’ve dated them for a long time. i don’t believe that relationships should be things that you just forget or ignore…and it should be just the opposite.

it isn’t so much about acting like you’ve never been intimate with someone before. generally, the exes that i’ve been friends with are my friends because of the experiences that we’ve shared, not despite them. it’s important to acknowledge that you have had those experiences…it’s not like you can deny the past. and i think it’s because i’ve had those moments that i can better understand the person and be a better friend to them.

i will admit that it was hard for me to see some of my exes move on. sometimes it wasn’t hard, it was excrutiatingly painful. i was bitter, i was upset, i was deeply hurt. but i also wasn’t over them. as much as i want to say that i was ready, the reason why i felt all of that pain was because i wasn’t. but eventually i got over it and them moving on helped me get over them and just move on myself.

Lets face it, no matter how often you convinced yourself that you want them to be happy with or without you, deep down inside you prefer they be miserable without you. 🙂

i just don’t think that’s true. i don’t think that i would ever want any of my exes to be miserable without me…even some of the exes that i felt really screwed me over, i wouldn’t wish ill on them. i want them to find happiness in their own right. even some of the exes that i don’t really care for, that i wouldn’t want to see again, i still would hope that they are happy now and that they can find the happiness that they are looking for.

i’m a big advocate of happiness. however anyone can find it and however it is that more people can find it, the better. it’s one thing to still be in love with someone after you’ve broken up, but it’s another thing to have a mature relationship with them afterwards. it isn’t for all people, some pain runs too deep and maintaining a friendship with them may just end up being a constant reminder of what can never be. i guess the secret of being friends with the ex is to have truly moved on and to truly like the person as a friend.

some people are never friends with their exes. that’s probably a very safe way to go. you will never run into issues with your ex if you never see them. but i guess the way i see it is that if you can have a successful friendship with an ex, they have the potential to be one of your dear, close friends because they share an understanding of you that few people in the world get an opportunity to have. i’m not optimistic about being friends with many of my exes, but the few that i am friends with, i am very glad that i am.

i went out for a little bit to run and errand and eventually found myself at sportsmart. i wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but i found something that i have been looking for a long time now. it’s a pull up bar that you can install into your door frame. i remember a friend of mine had one when i was very young and we would play with it by hanging all sorts of things from it along the door frame. occassionally we tried to do pull ups too.

now, i haven’t done a pull up since middle school so it was interesting to see how many i could do, so i got the bar, installed it in my room and then tried. let’s just say that i’m a little surprised at how few i can do. =P i guess it’s time to practice it up. so sad.

today has been spent mostly working. it’s kind of sad, actually. i guess i’ve been doing a lot of work this weekend.
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it seems that i’ve been rather busy lately. so busy that i haven’t been able to really write anything. i guess i’ll just do a braindump and see how far that takes me.

this morning [url=http://jimmy.ocliw.com]jimmy[/url] called me up to go biking with him. greg, jimmy, and i set off to go biking and about 5 miles into it i started to feel really sick. i thought that i was going to vomit so i stopped at the chesbro reservoir and sat in the parking lot for a while. i told jimmy and greg to go ahead and go on without me while i rested and eventually headed back home. still, it was about a 10 mile trip in about an hour. par for the course, i guess. i wish i could have done the full ride though…kind of disappointed that i couldn’t.

i think that i may go biking tomorrow. not sure where just yet, but i do feel the need to go out and seek the open road. when i made my way back by myself all of the reasons why i liked biking started to come out. biking along and enjoying the surroundings around me while alone with my thoughts…it’s just quite a pleasant thing to be able to clear your mind and just let it wander.

and wander it did…

one of the big things on my mind was about dating. i guess it’s been on my mind a lot lately. not sure why, really. well, probably because i’m single, but mostly because i think that i’ve been surrounded by couples lately and the site of pairs seems to be omnipresent.

i thought that i had it all figured out. i thought that i knew exactly what kind of a woman i would want to date and how they would fit in with me. but i think that i’m starting to realize that it really isn’t a ton of things that i’m looking for. the only thing that i’m really looking for is someone who makes me smile…but not smile just because they are funny, but smile because of the things that they do. those things that they do will endear them to me…and it isn’t anything spectacular that they have to do, it’s just the little everyday sort of things that i find endearing and that make me smile. i’m not sure if that makes sense. perhaps it is better said that i’m looking for someone who makes me smitten with them.

but anyway, i’ve been obsessing about the laptop that i ordered on the 4th. i’ve been constantly checking the status of the order and finally they have shipped it. i think it is due to arrive at work on monday, so monday should be an exciting day for me. i think that i will be bringing my ram with me to install at work…oooh, i should remember to bring a screwdriver to work as well.

work has been pretty crazy and busy lately. lots of changes. i think that i’m just getting my head wrapped around it all and i’ve been trying to manage my stress level lately. usually don’t have to do that sort of thing, so it was a little odd.

i’ve been having a pretty erratic sleep schedule again too. pretty bad. i think that i need to keep myself on a better regular schedule so that my energy level stays a little more constant.

today was spent mostly resting, watching lord of the rings 3, and running a few errands.

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