recently, i had to make a choice between what i should do and what i want to do. this kind of choice is always the hardest because it is a battle between what you truly desire and what you know is really best for you. it’s odd, then, that if we know what’s best for us that we continue to want things that we should not have.
i felt like i was standing on a precipice trying to decide if i should jump head first into the crashing waves below me, sure that it would be disastrous. but knowing that after i had lept off that cliff, i would take flight into the wonderous joy that we all know too well when you do what you want to do with reckless abandon despite what you know you should do, i wanted so desperately to jump.
i thought about how amazing it would be as the wind cut through my body as i plummeted towards certain doom. i thought about how thrilling it would be as i prayed that somehow there was some kind of bungee cord tied to my feet that would save me at the last minute. wishful thinking? perhaps, but even that tiny shred of hope would be enough to keep me happy as i plunged towards the inevitable.
oh, how i long to take such a leap.
the moment was rapidly approaching, time was running out, a decision had to be made. i reached the point of no return, it was now or never, do or die, pee blindly into the wind.
but instead, the moment passed. sadness filled my heart as i looked over my shoulder and saw opportunity pass me by. a void filled my soul as i knew that doing the right thing was the best thing to do, yet felt so wrong. a sinking feeling weighed my heart down and finding light in the darkness that surrounded me seemed unlikely.
good bye, alvarado niles exit, the exit of the delicious krispy kreme. some other time…some other time.