how different we’ve become

it used to be that you and me…we were so alike. we liked the same things, we thought the same way, we saw the same things in life as important. how is it that we’ve changed so much?

a long time ago you and i shared the same ideas about life, love, and everything. we had the same outlook on life, the kind of cheery optimism that perhaps only youth could provide. we had the same ideals about love, what love means, what we want from love, and what love is all about. and when it came to everything else, it seemed that we were step for step in line.

but now…

now we have grown so far apart, it amazes me that we once were so similar. have i just not grown up? is it that i’m still living in this kind of naivete and it is ignornance that is keeping up this facade?

i look at you, the things you do, the things that are important to you, and i see that we are just so different now. so very different…

i refuse to give up on my ideals. i refuse to believe that what i’ve wanted all my life are now things that i need to give up on and make compromises. i refuse to believe that everything that i’ve believed in, everything that i’ve hoped for, everything that i’ve dreamed for is unobtainable. i refuse to give up.

and that’s what i think you’ve done. the sadness that sweeps over me when i think about how much you’ve changed, how much you’ve given up, and how much we’re different hit me hard today. i’m sad because i had hoped for so much more for you. i’m sad because it makes me wonder if you had given up on all of these things, if you of all people, who once i thought was so much like me, then i wonder if maybe these dreams i have are really just pipe dreams.

i refuse to believe that. you are the one that changed. you are the one that gave up. sometimes i feel like i’m just holding out, waiting for the impossible to happen. sometimes i feel like i’m alone, searching for what i’ve always wanted, but never really able to get it. sometimes i feel just a little defeated. today, i saw what happens when you give up. i’m just not ready to give up.

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