last night i spent a good chunk of the evening setting up my new computer. it’s been a while since i’ve upgraded and i figured that the time was right. it’s been a while since i put a computer together and there are so many new advances in the technology that i feel so left behind.

the guy at the computer store asked me what i was building this computer for. i told him that i want to be able to check email REALLY fast. he looked at me incredulously and so i told him that i also do a lot of photoshop work.

the computer is slowly taking shape, i forgot how much work it is to get a computer up and running. i spent about an hour burning data onto a DVD so that i could transfer it over to the new machine and when i popped the DVD into the drive, it would not read. i started to worry that there was something wrong with the new computer. i then realized that there wasn’t a DVD drive in that machine, instead it was a CD burner. oops.

that’s when i knew it was too late at night for me to do anymore and it is time to go to bed.

i’m pretty upset at myself for how completely wildly my mood has been swinging lately. one moment i’m peachy keen, the next i’m dreadfully depressed, and the next i’m just confused about how i really should feel.

when i get like this, i think what eventually happens is that i just stop feeling. i’ve always advocated living life to its fullest, to experience the highest of highs, even at the cost of feeling the lowest of lows, too. but when i am swinging downwards, i always wonder to myself if maybe it was better that i just not feel at all. it certainly seems more pleasant.

my mat cutter is coming in today. i’ve ordered 100 blades to come with my mat cutter. i hear that you only get about 5 mats per blade so the couple that came didn’t really seem like enough. i guess i should run over to aaron brothers today and grab some mats to try out the mat cutter. now…if only i had some pictures that i wanted to mat, it’d make things much easier…

A Pain That I’m Used To
-Depeche Mode

I’m not sure what I’m looking for anymore
I just know that I’m harder to console
I don’t see who I’m trying to be instead of me
But the key is a question of control

Can you say what you’re trying to play anyway
I just pay while you’re breaking all the rules
All the signs that I find have been underlined
Devils thrive on the drive that is fueled

All this running around, well it’s getting me down
Just give me a pain that I’m used to
I don’t need to believe all the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve something that rings true

There’s a hole in your soul like an animal
With no conscience, repentance, oh no
Close your eyes, pay the price for your paradise
Devils feed on the seeds of the soul

I can’t conceal what I feel, what I know is real
No mistaking the faking, I care
With a prayer in the air I will leave it there
On a note full of hope not despair

All this running around, well it’s getting me down
Just give me a pain that I’m used to
I don’t need to believe all the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve something that rings true

All this running around, well it’s getting me down
Just give me a pain that I’m used to
I don’t need to believe all the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve something that rings true

i added a new gallery widget to the blog. i have to admit that i stole paul’s idea of a rotating image on the blog. i really liked it, but i wasn’t sure how i wanted to do it. previously i just had a random five images, but i had to keep adding to the library of images and i just didn’t update that library often.

now, this gallery basically goes through every single image i’ve posted anywhere on my web site that has a thumbnail and it links back to the web page that the image originated from. nifty, eh?

do you remember a time when a lingering scent would bring back a flood of memories so pure, so filled with elation that you have to stop everything that you are doing because you simply cannot do anything else but enjoy that sweet, simple scent?

do you remember a time when you would just stand so close to them, your heart pounding, yearning to be closer, waiting for that inevitable moment when the two of you could come together in the warm embrace that brings with it a kind of serenity that you’ve never experienced before?

do you remember eagerly anticipating the moment when you would see your beloved and everything that was going wrong in your life seemed inconsequential?

do you remember a time when you would lie next to them, hearing their soft, rhythmic breath and knowing that there would be no place you’d rather be?

i remember a time when i felt so passionately about someone, so enraptured by their every breath. i’ve always been the romantic. i’ve always wanted that kind of fairy-tale love that knows no bounds. it’s been a while since i’ve felt that way. it seems like it’s going to be a long while before i will feel that way again. don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that i’m uncomfortable with my singlehood, but i think that i’ve always known that life was better with two.

there are times when i feel so defeated, so crushed that i wonder if that kind of love was really meant for me. i guess today is just one of those low days. it’ll pass.

you know, one of the wonderful things about working near where you live is that i also work near where my friends work. this is really kind of cool that i can meet up with them for lunch. today, greg had “won” some kind of informational lunch thing where some financial advisor would talk about financial…uhhhh, advising and then she’d buy us lunch.

so greg, cheryl, grace, john, jen, paul, leeya, and i had lunch at sonoma chicken coop today. the food was good and free lunch is always a nice thing.

i just got in on the presale of the tickets to the depeche mode concert that’s coming to town in november. i have no idea what playing the angel is like, but i’ve heard that it is much less rock and a little bit back to their roots.

i don’t know why i was just thinking about depeche mode the other day and how upset i was that i wasn’t able to see their concert back in high school (the last album that i enjoyed), but i’m very hopeful that the album will be good.

i got an advanced sneak peak at the album and so far i’m VERY HAPPY with it. it’s awesome!