today marks the first day of the 2004 volleyball season for me. i’m looking forward to it, but i’m sure that i really suck now. it’s been so long since i last touched a volleyball that i’m quite afraid of what it’s going to be like. my only comfort is that hopefully everyone else is the same way and that we’ll all suck together.

yes, team suckage is ok.

can a thought be too short as to not qualify as blog-worthy?

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while we all tread furiously to keep our head above water, we sometimes meet new challenges that seem to overwhelm us. when experiencing a new challenge for the first time, it definitely can seem like an insurmountable task. the pains that we go through the very first time can cut deeper than we’ve ever felt.

life is not kind. it is not mean or cruel, it just is. but when we encouter that rough spot for the first time, this flood of despair and pain overwhelms us in a way we’ve never felt before. it’s easy to become immediately cynical, bitter, and resentful of the world. it’s easy to be lost in the overwhelming sea of emotion.

we all come across these difficult times. i guess the only salvation one can have is knowing that regardless of how dark times may look now, others have tread in the same waters and have survived to find happiness themselves. if they have found their way, so shall you.

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all of us have a set of morals. these morals are derived from various experiences that we’ve had while growing up. our parents, our peers, our own experiences all make up the sum of our moral and value system.

i believe that some people have a predisposition towards some types of personalities. some people are big hams while others are inherently shy. this doesn’t mean that it always has to stay like that. our morals may change as we grow.

i believe that my mom contributed to a rather significant part of the person who i am today. she is a strongly moral pacifist. increasingly more and more i’m getting into situations where either i have to deal with confrontation or i am a direct witness of confrontation. let me just say that this is troubling for me.

i think that my mom has taught me, by example, that it is better to bite one’s tongue than to speak your mind. it is better to avoid confrontation instead of fighting it head on. it is better to take personal loss than to inconvenience others and it is better to avoid confrontation instead of getting yourself into potentially harmful confrontations.

the problem is that there is only a limit to which one can do this before you just have to say or do something. sometimes i wonder what other people do when they are faced with similar situations. do you just let it go?

confrontation. i think it is the natural tendency for people to avoid it. it’s easier to not deal with if you ignore it. weird how that kind of mentality could just lead to even more significant consequences than dealing with it from the beginning.

today is the worst day i’ve had so far this year.

in fact, it’s probably the worst day i’ve had in a long while. you know, when things go wrong, they seem to go wrong all at once. i’ve been particularly stressed out lately and i think that it’s finally having its lasting effects on me.

i just feel exhausted and it’s all i can do to get through the day. it seems that there’s a dark cloud hovering over me. it’s been like this for a while and i guess it’s about time that i start doing something about it.

there are bunch of [url=http://people.aol.com/people/news/now/0,10958,570224,00.html]reports[/url] claiming that britney got married last night. crazy as that sounds, it seems to be true. she married her childhood friend at vegas wearing jeans and a baseball cap. not exactly the glamourous wedding one would think a pop icon like britney would have, eh?

it also turns out that they are getting the marriage annulled and have signed the papers for it already. go figure.

what a bizarre world.

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happy new year!

it’s the start of a new year. in past years i’ve made resolutions that i didn’t keep and i think that this year i’m not even going to try. instead, i think that i will try to follow the one basic pursuit that i’ve been after for a while: the pursuit of happiness.

when it comes down to it, i think that finding that balance in happiness is what makes things worth it.

i hope all of you have a safe and happy new year.

i guess it was inevitable that i would start writing this post. it happens every year and i was wondering when i would get around to thinking about this last year. a lot has happened in this year, as with any year, and i should do this year justice by reflecting on some of the larger milestones of the year.

i remember last year around this time i was feeling pretty down. things just didn’t look like they were looking up and i hid myself away from all of the troubles of the world by working excessively crazy hours.

if i had to describe the one big change in my life this year, i would probably say my involvement in volleyball was the biggest change in my life. i have gone from playing one day a week casually to three days a week plus tournaments. it’s a big change from my sedentary lifestyle that i used to have. i think that i had a lot more free time back then though…i do miss the free time. i think that the only way i can recapture the lost time is by staying up later, unfortunately.

this year also marked the purchase of 2 cameras. my beloved canon 10D and the more recently acquired canon s400. two cameras in one year. wow. that’s a lot.

professionally, i think that i’ve settled in to my job and things on that front are moving along pretty decently. i’m involved in interesting projects, so i guess one can’t complain there.

all in all, i think it’s been a pretty good year and i’m looking forward to the next.

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this year i’m throwing a new year’s eve party at my place. presumably there will be some drunken fun as well as some potsticker making. i’m hoping that the potstickers will be made before the drunkeness starts.

i personally like more laid back new year’s celebrations. i don’t really like going out, and i’d be perfectly happy home alone quietly celebrating the new year’s passing. i think that i used to enjoy the idea of going out to big celebrations, but these days i find that i’m more hermit like. nothing to the likes of my sacramento days, but definitely less social these days.

but i’m looking forward to this new year’s eve party. i think it will be lots of fun. nothing too crazy, though there’s enough alcohol at my place that i fear that a spark would set the whole place aflame.

as is my usual tradition, the new year’s eve party is funded (at least in part) by all of my spare change that i’ve accumulated over the year. i went to a coinstar machine today and it gave me $200.85 for the change i’ve saved up this year. not too shabby. it funded my costco run which consisted of most of the alcohol for the evening. i plan to make a run to safeway and ranch 99 tomorrow to get the rest of the food stuffs. i hope they are open, otherwise we won’t be eating potstickers for dinner.

i hope all of you have a happy and safe new year’s.

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oh dear. it’s come over me again.

it’s a sickness of sorts, really. when it first came, it swept over me like a plague infecting my every breath. each breath became progressively more difficult. as i labored to recover and try to remember what life was like before the sickness, i could only wish that there would be an end.

but no. salvation would not come. it mocked me as i withered away in the agony.

it’s been years since i kicked the habit, and i thought for sure that all would be ok now. i thought for sure that i had managed to escape from the clenches of this addiction, but now, years after my initial dealings with this venom it has returned.

and i have relented.

and so now i’m left with nothing to do but fight.

and so i will.

tetrinet2, anyone?

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today resumes the usual work blues. i guess this weekend wasn’t as relaxing as i had hoped. it wasn’t nearly as productive, either. i’ve got a lot of cleaning to do still.

there is a tradition at my household where we clean up the house as much as possible before the new year starts. this is primarily so that all of the bad dirties don’t stay with you the following year. i guess it’s a japanese thing…though i thought that it was an asian thing. anyway, my apartment is in dire need of cleaning.

and so i think i’ll spend the rest of this year cleaning it up.

sigh. woe is me.

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