dear britney,

i know it has been a long time since last i wrote to you, but we’ve both been pretty busy, haven’t we? i hear through the grapevine that you text’d k-fed and made him the fed-ex. good for you, girl! it’s about time that you got rid of that freeloading loser. i know, i know, you had good times with him and you had to go on and on about your love life with him on the awful tv reality show chaotic that you thought would be a good idea.

lemme tell you something, brit, you’re not that innocent. i know that you are stronger than yesterday, and i’m glad that you ditched the loser because you drive me crazy when you do stupid stuff like that.

your bestest fan,
wilco.