it kills me! this whole ross/rachel thing on friends drives me crazy, but i love it. but i really like to see the struggle that they go through. i guess i like it because it’s almost a forbidden love. two people, torn by their desires and restraints have to come to resolution with what they ultimately cannot do.

when rachel left ross with “it’s never off the table with us” a whole new world of possibility opened up.

would i have had such restraint if rachel threw herself at me if i was ross?

hardly. =P

is it possible for two people to spend too much time together? is it healthy to spend every waking moment together? or perhaps the better question should be is it unhealthy to spend every waking moment together?

i think that the answer to this question is really dependent on the couple. some couples love to spend every waking moment with each other, while others like to have some kind of alone time to do their own thing, say with their own friends.

for me, i think that i like to have some personal time alone. it’s not that i would do anything special, but it is something that i like to have from time to time. i know of couples that spend all of their time exlcusively with each other and then when one has to go away the other seems lost because they don’t really know of a life outside of the other person.

different things work for different people. i guess we just have to find what works best for us.

so last night i decided to venture out there and watch my tuesday night volleyball team play…without me. to occupy some times, i decided to bring my camera along and take pictures of some of the action. i shot exclusively with a borrowed canon 50/1.8 and i’ve decided that i need that kind of speed to shoot anything in low light. so that being said…

i think that i’m going to order myself a copy of this lens. it’s cheap, it’s fast, and i think it’ll complement my collection quite well.

it was quite an ordeal getting around. i guess you never appreciate even the most basic of things until you lose them. this inability to walk freely is really cramping my style.

—–

when i woke up this morning, i was in an excrutiating amount of pain. it hurt bad. last night as i was playing volleyball, my left foot slipped under me and i rolled my ankle. it had swollen up to the size of my fist and it was rather frightening to see it like that.

it didn’t hurt as much last night, but this morning, i had every intention of going to the doctor’s office to get it checked out, but as i tried to get out of bed, the pain was overwhelming. it hurt so bad, that i wasn’t sure if i could even make it to the bathroom. i hobbled back quickly into bed after taking some tylenol and i’ve been bed-bound since.

the pain has subsided quite a bit, so i think i’m going to try and wash up and go to the doctor’s office now.

[url=http://www.track15.com]dardy[/url] wrote about it the other day and i’ve heard about it from others, so i think that it’s a good time to write about it.

closure.

when a relationship is ended between two people, often times the only way you can really feel comfortable about the ending is if there is closure. closure comes in many forms, but most people are most familiar with the whole drawn out talking of why the relationship should end.

most people associate receiving closure in a relationship when they finally understand why the relationship ended. this understanding, however, may be quite difficult to ascertain. the break up is rarely a mutual thing. usually one person wants to end things while the other person doesn’t. it’s the person who doesn’t want to end things that has the most to lose…and they are also the ones who hold on the hardest to the idea that things can still be fixed.

some people find closure when it is explained to them what the other person is thinking. some people feel that they are owed an explanation and they can’t move on without this explanation. though it would be nice if we were told why things couldn’t work out and maybe make a case for how things could work out, the thing with relationships is that it isn’t about convincing people how you think. a relationship is a two way street and once one party gives up, no matter how hard the second party will try, it just doesn’t matter.

i think an indication of closure is when you realize that you won’t get back together with the person. that the chance of getting back together with that person just doesn’t exist. sure, you can blame yourself for all the things that you did wrong or all the things that you could have done, but placing blame isn’t really going to resolve things. you have to just learn to let go.

last night i invited a few people over to have sushi with me. it was sooooo good. i haven’t had sushi for the longest time. i was afraid that i might not be able to find the right sushi that i want. it’s hard to find fresh sushi sometimes so it was good that i was able to.

i bumped into my friend maureen at ranch 99. it’s the funniest thing. we seem to bump into each other quite often there. small world, i suppose.

—–

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere
Going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow

And I find I kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very, very
Mad world
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday

And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me

Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me

And I find I kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very, very
Mad world
Mad world

Enlarging your world
Mad world

—–

as it gets closer to valentine’s day, it’s usually fun to check out the [url=http://girls-suck.diaryland.com]girls suck[/url] web page. it’s comprised of 5 or so disenchanted guys who have been burned by women before…so basically like every other guy in the world.

“The only reminder of our love is the broken mirror you gave to me.”

ahhh, such wonderful nuggets of experience are spouted on this page all the time.

i had every intention of going to the [url=http://www.tow.com/photogallery/20040211_coba/]COBA[/url] meeting yesterday. i had my camera bag with me, my flashes, my diffuser, and well…just about everything.

but after i left work yesterday, i was so tired and so hungry that i decided to just go home. i didn’t want to cross a bridge to get to palo alto. i didn’t want to deal with the horrific traffic. i didn’t want to do any of that. no, instead, i wanted to go to sleep. and i wanted to go to sleep because i knew that i had to wake up extra early today to get to work.

but i wasn’t sleepy. so instead, i make rice krispy treats. i think i’ll make another batch when i get home tonight. they are pretty good and fairly popular at the office. i’m about halfway done with the batch that i made yesterday so maybe i can feed some of this to the poker crowd tonight.

speaking of which, i need to learn some new games for the evening!

sometimes some people ask me why i work so hard. why do i go to such great lengths to do work when i don’t have to? what drives me to do so? is it because i’m a workaholic? is it because i’m crazy in the head? perhaps a little insane in the membrane?

no. i think the reason why i work so hard is because i take pride in my work. i go the extra mile because i want to differentiate myself from the others. i don’t want to do just the bare minimum to get by. at the end of the day, i’m trying to make my contribution noteworthy. i’m trying to make a difference. i guess what motivates me is that all of this extra work that i do does get noticed, does get appreciated, and does get rewarded.

so yeah, i might work a lot but i think it’s because i get a lot out of it. some people complain about how they are underappreciated or overworked, and i guess it makes me wonder….i guess they feel this way because the level of expectation is different for them. i believe that i’m trying to impress my employer instead of just doing my job. that’s how i believe you get ahead.