at work on thursdays, the company provides snacks for us. in the morning there are donuts and bagels. donuts. i think the company gets about 4 dozen donuts and it would be a shame to let all those donuts go to waste. i sort of feel obligated to make sure that no donut is left to waste.

this, of course, has rather disturbing repercussions. i must gain 5 pounds every thursday as a result of this. i’m not sure what i can do about this. i have to help the donuts fulfill their donut destiny. i’m really their savior. even at the expense of my own health, i will do my best to make sure that no donut is left behind. this is my burden, this is my life.