it used to be that when i was in a relationship i would know when i would need to get a haircut because i would be told that i’d need one. after i was single, i used to know that i’d have to get a haircut because [url=http://www.phamily.org]paul[/url] would get a haircut and that would be a good indication to me that it was probably time for me to get a haircut too.

but lately, paul’s haircuts have been less and less regular and his hair has been growing longer and longer so i no longer have that guide to go by. but i do think that i’m long overdue for a haircut so it’s time to go back and get a haircut.

lately i’ve been entertaining the idea of coloring my hair again. i do remember that i enjoyed it the last time i did it many years ago…but i do remember the amount of grief i got too from all of my friends and family…especially my family. my poor mom almost went into shock.

anyhow, off to start the weekend!

—–

the next batch of movies i’m getting from netflix are movies that i would not ordinarily watch, but have been recommended to me from various people. love & sex is the first of the bunch because it stars the fabulously attractive famke janssen. strictly ballroom because i just recently watched (and loved) moulin rouge and apparently this is the first of that trilogy of movies. and lastly amelie because so many people have loved it and have told me that i have to watch it.

quite different from my last batch of torque, 50 first dates, and the sandlot. but i think that i’ll trust people’s opinions and suggestions and see how it goes. i was quite surprised at the sandlot and moulin rouge so maybe i’ll be pleasantly surprised with these movies too.

—–

on the suggestion of one of the readers of the site, i went and got the three egg custard tarts for $1 at ruby king bakery. oh man, were they good!

i went to the bakery and asked for the custard tarts. the woman asked how many. i said three. she smiled with a knowing nod and then charged me a dollar for them.

wow, what a steal! i was skeptical at first about how good it will be given the cost, but man…those were some good tarts. mmmm.

but now that i’ve eaten three of them, i don’t think my stomach is very happy with me. i think i forgot to eat dinner last night so i think it is angry at me right now. maybe i should go and look for some food.

my original plans for the weekend involved mountain biking, kayaking, volleyball, and hiking. i think that it may now be whittled down to mountain biking and volleyball. we’ll see. i guess the summer days are slowly winding down so i should take advantage of the outdoors while i can.

i do look forward to rain hiking, though…

i am thinking about having a chill weekend instead, though. for some reason i’ve been feeling pretty tired lately and i think that it’s about time to just crash and relax. we’ll just have to see how the weekend goes.

—–

as part of nosh thursday, the company provided a cake of sorts for us to snack on in the morning hours. this was not your typical pastry. no. the bakers are safeway are an inspired lot and they created the coffe cake bear claw.

oh. my. god.

coffee cake? good.

bear claw? good.

put them together? pretty damn good. this is a great idea that i think needs to be further explored. the safeway version itself was good, but i think that there is an untapped potential here that requires further exploration. this is probably almost as inspired of an idea as the fried twinkie.

—–

i met up with [url=http://www.tow.com]adam[/url] yesterday at the cupertino q-cup to get my lighting gear back and to talk a little shop. i feel like i haven’t gone out on a real photo shoot for a long time now. he had told me that he had gone on a bike trip earlier in the day so i asked him if he brought his camera with him while biking. he laughed and said he wouldn’t take the beast biking with him, it’s just too big.

it made me wonder about bringing my big camera with me. i think that i will bring the elph with me next time and see how that goes for me.

—–

earlier this morning i was tempted to go to the coffee shop to pick up a donut. i thought better of it and decided not to get a donut and instead try and be healthy. after last week’s 7 scoop root beer float (which did give me a stomach ache, but was so worth it anyway) one would think that my root beer float cravings are over with. this is not so. there is still about 2 gallons of ice cream in the freezer at work.

this ice cream cannot be left to waste. its root beer float destiny must be realized! that is what i am here for. and so instead of getting a donut for breakfast, i resolved to have a root beer float after lunch. ahhh, such goody goodness. i am all too excited.

but, after a few hours at work, my energy level started to fade and i thought that i might need a little pick me up. so i went across the street to the coffee shop and it seems that the donut gods were not looking favorably down on me because though there were many donuts available, i didn’t like any of them enough to get them so i left the shop empty-handed.

and so now i have visions of root beer float goodness in my head, but the agony of waiting for it is beginning to become far more torture than i can bear.

perhaps i need to run into chinatown and get a baked custard bun to hold me over. mmmm.

Dear love,

Dear…maybe that’s not how i should have started this letter to you. There isn’t anything dear about you. I’ve thought about all of the times that we had together, the good, the better, and the depressingly bad and it’s made me realize some things about myself as well as about you. Before I share this epiphany with you, I’d like to give pause and recognize how profound of an impact you’ve had on my life.

Before you, I didn’t realize what the agony of love meant.

Before you, I never understood the depth of emotion that can course through a man’s body enabling him to feel the sheer unadulterated, blind love given to another and better yet received from another.

Before you, I never understood the torment that one experiences when such a luscious love is snatched away from me.

Before you, I never understood the dichotomy of love.

Before you, I never cared to understand these things.

But i digress.

Lately my mind has been wandering and I find that when my mind wanders, invariably, it wanders to you. Surely it couldn’t have been over a dozen years ago when I first met your hypnotic gaze…before you took your all-consuming world and thrust it upon my own? Has it been so long?

You see, before, when I first met your intoxicating charms, you overwhelmed me. You grabbed me by your tangled thorns, enticing me to further entrench myself in your web of wily ways. I had no recourse. I had no option. I was naive. I embraced your warmth without waiting….without hesitation…without thinking things through. Logic seemed to vanish when it came to you, love.

And after I had sipped from the first cup of your love, I was impassioned to sip more. When the cup had run dry, I felt bound to seek it out again. Ah, to surrender to the sweet joy of that drink that consumed me was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

Searching for you proved more difficult that I realized, but it did not deter me from pursuing what I thought was my only course of action. I needed guidance and I found direction to you again. But I was naive and young and with that came the pitfalls of inexperience. I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into and I made many mistakes.

Experience started to shape my path. I started to learn what it was that I was truly seeking instead of blindly stabbing in the dark hoping to get lucky. I started to realize things that did not work for me.

But one of the biggest lessons you taught me was that I cannot change someone else to become the vision of perfection that I want. This could only lead to heartache. In trying to find you, I could not force other people to become you…no, no, that has been a recipe for disaster.

I also learned while searching for you that I must keep my eyes wide open. I cannot blind them to obvious telltale signs that you are not present…no, this is not the way to find you. If I see indications of your absence, I should not continue to look and ignore the obvious.

You see, finding you has become a mission of mine. It’s the relentless pursuit of searching for you. I refuse to believe that you cannot be found and I will continue to search until I’ve finally found you.

You have taught me many lessons through the years. You’ve taught me to open my heart to others to share all that I am so that I can let you into my heart. You’ve taught me to treat others with the kindness that inspires your greatness and then it shall be returned to you. You’ve taught me that the greatest thing in life is to love another and to have that returned to you.

You see, love, though you have managed to escape my grasp for the time being, you have not shattered my will. It is this belief that you exist for everyone that drives me to continue along to search for you.

Ah, love. You have shown both kindness and torment to me. Perhaps it is time to stop thinking about you, love, in such abstractions, but instead to seek you in a more corporeal form.

—–

man, my body is seriously falling apart. i hurt my back a little bit over the weekend and when i woke up today it was hurting so bad that i couldn’t go into work today. sitting down for any prolonged amount of time starts to wear my back down…even when i have good posture.

today has been mostly about sleeping and keeping it easy. i did a little grocery shopping so that i could eat, but aside from that, not much has happened this day. i have been eagerly awaiting the apartment complex to scrub the patio that they made me clear, but they have yet to do anything on the patios. i bet it was just a scam to make us clear out the patio.

—–

“the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

i’ve seen bits and pieces of this movie in the past and dismissed it, calling it a ridiculous movie that made no sense. but i decided to give it another try and give it my fullest attention.

man. this movie is just amazing. such devotion to the notion of love. i identified so much with christian and his undying love for satine. i remembered when i was so idealistic.

all you need is love…

it bordered on brilliant.

—–