different people deal with hardship in different ways. i used to think that when someone experiences a great hardship in life, though it may be a particularly trying time for them, after they get through it, they are a better person because of it. maybe it develops a strength in their character, maybe it matures them, maybe it gives them a new perspective on life.

but more and more i’m beginning to realize that this is not the case. just because you experience hardship doesn’t mean that you will necessarily learn anything from it, nor will you be a better person…in fact, it may just make you more jaded, cynical, and unpleasant than ever before.

i think that it is a matter of perspective. some of us feel that we are owed certain things in life and if we don’t get these things, the world is wrong. it’s hard for me to understand how people can walk around thinking that the whole world is out to get them, that there is some kind of implicit conspiracy against them and that the design of the world is created in such a fashion that it is against them. what kind of grand design would it require to have the world specifically targetted to make your life miserable?

how you deal with hardship, how you deal with situations really shape the perceptions of one’s world. it’s a shame to see people disappointed with what they’ve got and believe that they have no control to make things better for themselves.

today was a day spent in recovery. after work i got home i almost immediately fell asleep. i usually don’t like to take naps, but i think that i needed it. i haven’t had dinner yet and volleyball is coming up soon so i think that i’ll have to skip out on dinner before the game…don’t want to be weighed down.

hopefully today’s recover will prepare me for the rest of the week…

—–

it’s been a rough weekend. i was pretty exhausted last night after volleyball and was eager to go home, shower, and go to bed. this weekend wasn’t quite as relaxing as i had originally hoped, but i was able to do a few nice things.

first off, we tried our hands at a lan party. josh, nelson, mike, paul, and i ended up playing some games. it’s been a strange evolution over the years. first it started with coax cables with BNCs and terminators. we used dos drivers to network machines. talk about crazy times. and then we moved to 10baseT with ethernet cable being strung all over the place with hubs. soon thereafter we went to 100Mbps connections with switches to play our games…and yesterday, all of us were outfitted with laptops and were playing over the air on a wireless network. tear down was very quick. no network wires to deal with. i’m still waiting for wireless power.

but yeah, pretty exhausted last night. i went quickly to sleep and i still feel tired now. hopefully i can sneak in a nap later this afternoon before volleyball.

—–

last night [url=http://www.tow.com]adam[/url] came over to borrow some lighting gear for some weddings that he’s going to shoot. i got out the bulk of my lighting stuff and he took with him some umbrellas, stands, and the like. i’m very curious to see how that will work out for him.

there were a bunch of fresh faces at poker night last night. trang, johnny, and cathy were all relative newcomers and joined the usual crowd. i’ll use the word “usual” loosely since it seems that many of the regulars seem to be missing. it was all good, though, we played quite a few games and had fun. there were a few waves of people who came about and as quickly as they came, they left.

jason, jen, cathy and i ended up playing some dominoes afterwards. i really do enjoy my domino set and i’m glad that i learned how to play. ooooh, maybe i should set up a mahjong night…if only i could find the right four…

i do miss playing GO, though. hopefully i’ll be able to play it soon again. i’ve been playing it online with shirley while she’s in taiwan. pretty entertaining, i must say.

—–

i went to the driving range yesterday and hit half a large bucket of balls while cathy hit the other half. there are a few things that i’ve come to realize. first, i have the world’s largest slice. second, my swing is so biased to slice the ball, i don’t know if i can correct it on my own. i may need serious attention if i want to correct it. i can tell that i have a pretty severe outside-in swing. *sigh* whatever happened to the 250 yard drives splitting the fairway in half?

but it was fun getting out there and swinging the clubs again. it’s been a while since i’ve had the chance to go out and do so. i really ought to start playing in the tournaments for the club i’m in…hmmmm…but it’s so hot these days…

golf…i’m meeting more and more people who are into it now. i guess it’s just a sign that i’m getting older. or maybe i was just a really mature child. yeah…ummm, that’s it.

—–

[url=http://www.wokr13.tv/entertainment/story.aspx?content_id=42A5A5C6-6DB2-4195-9149-6D1A781A188B]that’s right, kirsten,[/url] come to me now…

—–

i think that i will be cooking tonight. i made burgers earlier this week, but i still have a lot of meat leftover and i’m not sure if i can finish the rest of the burgers, so instead i’m going to make a lot of meatballs instead. lots and lots of meatballs. they won’t quite turn out like [url=http://sushisis.tangledweave.com/]someone else’s famous meatballs[/url], but they’ll be alright. maybe i’ll make spaghetti and meatballs tonight. mmmm.

i’ve been meaning to do some more cooking lately. i find cooking to be pretty relaxing. i think it’s kind of cool to be able to come up with something and make some good food. i’ve been trying to experiment a little bit more lately and it’s been coming out well, i think. it’s time to try making some new dishes, though…i’ve never made thai before…i think the problem with thai is that it requires a whole new set of spices that i don’t have at all. hmmmm, i wonder how that’ll turn out. i haven’t had a dinner party in a while now. maybe it’s about time to start thinking about that again…

i’m waffling right now about whether or not to go check out volleyball tomorrow at campbell. i hear that they have a league there and i’m tempted to pick up another night. we’ll see.

maybe i’ll do some baking too. i’d like to make boston cream pie. mmmm, that sounds really good right now. i wonder if the reason why i’m talking so much about food is because i’m hungry now. so very hungry.

—–

i was reading the last entry and it reminded me of a childhood song i used to sing in class called there’s a hole in the bucket…

There’s a hole in the bucket,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
There’s a hole in the bucket,
Dear Liza, there’s a hole.

Then fix it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then fix it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, fix it.

With what shall I fix it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With a straw, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With a straw, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, with a straw.

But the straw is too long,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
But the straw is too long,
Dear Liza, too long

Then cut it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then cut it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, cut it.

With what shall I cut it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With an axe, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With an axe, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, an axe.

The axe is too dull,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
The axe is too dull,
Dear Liza, too dull

Then sharpen it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then sharpen it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, sharpen it.

With what shall I sharpen it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With a stone, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With a stone, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, a stone.

The stone is too dry,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
The stone is too dry,
Dear Liza, too dry

Then wet it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then wet it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, wet it.

With what shall I wet it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I wet it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With water, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With water, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, with water.

How shall I get it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza,
How shall I get it,
Dear Liza, how shall I?

In the bucket, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
In the bucket, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, in the bucket.

There’s a hole in the bucket.

i’ve got a hole in my shirt. it’s on the front in the middle of my shirt, towards the bottom of the shirt. lovely. now it’s going to be a matter of making sure that i don’t make it obvious that there’s a hole in my shirt all day. maybe no one will notice…

you know, that’s the sort of thing that you say to try and comfort yourself when in reality everyone is there talking about it because, of course, they will notice. *sigh*

the printer ran out of paper this morning too. i went fishing around the office trying to find out where we keep the reams of paper and came up with nothing. i went to the supply cabinet. nope. the supply closet? nope. i even went as far as going to the last office that i stole paper from and still…no paper.

so what did i do? i dug up some scratch paper that i’m not using from some time ago and printed on the back of that. office supplies shouldn’t be this hard.

—–

my love for you grows greater day by day. like a flower blossoming to reveal its glory, my love bathes in your delight and becomes more magnificent with each sunrise. how can i describe the passion that you inspire in me? such true bliss cannot be withheld. it would be criminal not to make such feelings known to the world…to hide them would be a far greater injustice than man has seen in this century (albeit, we’re not too far into this century, but still…)

yes indeed, i profess my undying love to thee. ah, my precious, my love. of course, i am talking to you, my maple donut.

mmmmmmm.