i was talking to a friend over the weekend and we were relating some of our dating experiences to each other and she asked me about how a guy would hint disinterest in a girl if they had gone out on a date.

it’s funny because i’ve seen situations where the guy was crazy about the girl but the girl couldn’t stand the guy. the guy thought the date went fabulously, but the girl thought it was a disaster. how does the girl convey to the guy that she’s not interested? what if the situation was reversed? what if the guy wasn’t interested in the girl, but the girl was interested in the guy?

apparently, it’s pretty common practice for the guy to just not call the girl up anymore. or rather, to say that he’d call her back, but not. to just ignore their calls and not answer the phone or to delete messages left with them. chandler in friends was employing this technique so that he wouldn’t have to call rachel’s boss back after a boring date.

i don’t know. even if i was not interested, i wouldn’t just delete voicemails and let them go off into oblivion. i think that i’d just feel too bad. i don’t think that i’d be able to just ignore them. it just seems so callous. i’d probably rather try to hint that i’m not interested, but if push came to shove, i’d probably tell them politely and nicely that i just don’t see it working. i think the direct, honest way is the better way to go. it’s probably the best way that i could deal with it without feeling bad about it afterwards.

not that this really matters to me, anyway. i’m usually the one who needs to convince/bribe/kidnap the girl to get her to go out on a date with me, anyway. ahhh, what a luxury it must be to be pursued by a girl.

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Remember the first time I told you I love you –
It was raining hard and you never heard –
You sneezed! and I had to say it over
I said I love you I said… you didn’t say a word

i was listening to this song when it reminded me of a time in a relationship when i would profess my love to my significant other and they would just sit there, frozen, as if they had never heard it. i was mortified. did i say too much? did they not feel the same way?

Remember the last time I told you I love you –
It was warm and safe in our perfect world –
You yawned and I had to say it over
I said I love you I said… you didn’t say a word

i remember that i had opened up my heart to another. i had left myself vulnerable and open. i had done all that i could, but was met with nothing. no acknowledgement, no reciprocation…nothing. as if you had never heard. so later, i had to say it over, i said, “I love you” and again it was met with silence.

probably any kind of sign would have been better than none at all. “i don’t feel the same.” or “i’m not sure i’m ready.” or “woah, nelly, you’re moving just a little too fast there, buddy.” something. just so i knew. it is probably one of the worst feelings i’ve been through to expose myself and for it to be ignored.

i think that when you do come to those crossroads, it sort of defines the relationship. it either brings you closer or starts to set you apart. it’s happened to me a couple of times in a couple of different relationships over the years and i have to admit that there’s some amount of anxiety about it. it’s not every day that you profess your love to another, and when you do, it should be a happy, joyous occasion. it shouldn’t be met with a loss of words. it shouldn’t be met with discomfort. if it is, maybe you just aren’t ready as a couple to take that next step, but you should at least acknowledge that you aren’t ready.

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it’s been a long week for me. i haven’t been sleeping much and i think the lack of sleep is really beginning to wear on me. i’ve been taking the vitamins that my sister got me for my birthday and i think that the extra boost in vitamins actually helped me recover from a nagging cough that i’ve had forever now.

i’m looking forward to the weekend and relaxing a little. hopefully i’ll be able to chill a bit. tomorrow’s going to be spent hanging out with anita, doing the photo shoot, and then heading out for paul’s (surprise) birthday dinner.

i’ve been calling it a surprise birthday dinner because it’s fun to see the mortified look on people’s faces because they’ve already mentioned something about it to paul. i guess that’s sort of sadistic on my part, but it’s fun nonetheless.

i think that i may end up spending a good part of today taking a break from it all though and just take it easy and rest away.

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i’m not usually into watches, but.

[url=http://www.tagheuer.com/basel2004/monacov4.lbl]oh. my. god.[/url]

while checking my mail, i got a rather unexpected surprise. i got an email from an old friend of mine who i haven’t seen in a long time. it really brightened up my day. so we’re going to meet up sometime this weekend and catch up. it also sounds like i’ve got another model lined up so it’s going to be a bit of a busy weekend.

i’m volunteering on sunday for the [url=http://www.nikkeimatsuri.org/]nikkei matsuri[/url] in japantown in san jose on sunday. i’ll be working the JACL booth making strawberry shortcakes. how strawberry shortcakes promotes japanese culture, i’m not sure, but i’m there to represent, yo. errr, uh, yeah, something like that.

it’s interesting because i joined JACL/Next Generation because of the volleyball league. it’ll be interesting to see if there will be a bunch of japanese people at the festival or not. one would assume that that would be the case, but it’s so rare that i get to see many japanese people at all. we’ll see. i’ll be sure to bring my camera with me and take some shots of the festival. it should be fun. i have to find a hat, though. hmmm, i wonder if i can find one. that may be a bit of a challenge. anyway, i’ll be at the JACL booth from 1:30-3:00pm if any of you want to help support the japanese, yo. japantown, san jose, sunday, may 2. be there or be square.

[url=http://www.track15.com]dardy[/url] was talking about the different types of cheating. it is pretty obvious that you are cheating if you are physically kissing or sleeping with someone else. but he wonders if there is such a thing as emotional cheating.

i think that there is. emotional cheating is every bit as bad as physically cheating on someone else. but what constitutes emotional cheating? lusting after someone else? i don’t think that lusting after someone else (from afar) can be considered cheating. now lusting after someone else in front of your significant other is just stupid and will probably be the cause of a fight, but to privately covet another from afar? i don’t really think that’s emotionally cheating.

maybe it’s just guys. but just because a guy admires another woman from afar doesn’t mean that he loves his significant other any less. he just has an appreciation for beauty. but if you start to act on that, that is when i think you start to edge closer to the line of emotionally cheating.

i think that emotional cheating is where you share intimate parts of your life with one person, but not your significant other…unless of course that little intimiate part of your life is about your significant other, but hey, we all need someone to talk to. but yeah, if you start to do things with someone else, but refuse to do it with your significant other, that could be indicative of something.

the last two weeks were off weeks for me for volleyball. now that i’m only playing one night a week, i feel that i really need to play a lot better to maximize my playing time. yesterday was a good night. i finally remembered how to play again. i hate it when i forget. =P

but we went 4-0 yesterday, which was a nice, welcome change. it was good to get my hitting back. it was like a lost puppy. slowly, but surely it had found its way back home.

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