it’s incredible the complete range of emotion that i can feel in such a short time frame. completely amazing. i could be riding high from a huge breakthrough at work and experience one of those defining moments that makes programmers change from wanting to BFG everything in sight to just BFG specific monsters. and then, without warning, i could come toppling down with a crash mightier than the tech burst and suffer the immense agony that can only be likened to the sound of an atom splitting.

it’s amazing that we have such a huge capacity to love and hate. it is so amazing to me that we can feel such jolly jubilation one moment and then such dark depression the next.

some people feel that it’s not worth reaching the highest highs if that also means that it sets you up for the lowest of lows. i have always believed that it is always worth it to explore the happiest that you are capable of, and then pushing the envelope to experience bliss, even at the risk of being so low for so long that it feels like you’re up because you just don’t know what it is was like to feel that kind of wonder.

i think it is the agony of happiness. i wouldn’t have it any other way, even if it hurts now. some of my friends appear to be going through a rough time and i just wanted to tell them, though it may seem bleak now, opening yourself to the kind of joy that people have romanticized in novels, plays, and movies is the only way that i really believe you should live life. so much attention has been written about this kind of love and agony because it is something that we should all strive so much for. it’s an ideal, and shouldn’t we all aim high?

i think the best example i’ve ever heard of this was in the movie love actually.

Daniel: Well, you know – I thought it might be something worse.
Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love?
Daniel: Oh. No, you’re right. Yeah, total agony.

i just ordered the canon 70-200mm f/4L. i cannot wait for it to arrive. it’s in pennslyvania right now. unfortunately, it is scheduled to arrive after i’ve left for monterey so it looks like i won’t be able to play with it until next week some time. oh well, that’s just too bad.

i also bought a circular polarizer and a step up ring for the 70-200mm so that it can use the 77mm polarizer. man, filters are expensive when they start getting that big.

i think that this will be the last lens purchase of mine for a while now. i don’t think that there will be anything else i need. i am very curious to see how it does compared to its bigger 2.8 IS cousin. i guess there will be a shoot out soon.

i’ve had a really rough morning. sometime over the night there was a black out in the apartment. power was restored around 6AM this morning. i slept through it all just fine, but was woken up by a very bad dream. when i woke up i felt awful and i looked to see what time it was and i saw that flashing time of 12:36. uh oh. i thought that i had overslept so when i checked the other clock to see what time it really was, i didn’t believe it when it read 6:30AM. i checked another clock and sure enough it really was 6:30AM. i reset my alarm clock and went back to sleep.

i got woken up again at 8AM feeling even less rested than when i first woke up. the bad dream was still on my mind and i did not get a restful sleep. now i feel exhausted and i have a long day ahead of me…

i think i need a donut.

while i was shooting the wedding last week, i was lugging around a particularly heavy lens on my camera. throughout the night i was holding the camera with my right hand.

i think i started to develop a blister on my thumb because it was rubbing against the camera and the weight of the camera was causing a lot of stress on my thumb. is it weird that i think that i have to develop a callous on my thumb to take pictures?

*sigh*

the things photographers do to take a good picture…

canon has announced the canon 5D digital SLR. a full-frame 12.8MP digital SLR that shoots at 3fps in roughly the same form factor as the 20D. this camera is wedged between the 20D prosumer body and the 1D pro bodies. it looks like a great movie for pros who don’t want to lug around their big 1D bodies with them.

canon has also announced a 24-105mm f/4L IS lens. this lens is a smaller, lighter version of the 24-70mm f/2.8L with a little more length and IS. i’m not sure how much IS will help in this range, but canon seems to be putting IS on everything these days. i was just thinking that if i got this lens, i will complete my all f/4L lens collection, but seeing how i have the 24-70 already, it’s unlikely that i’ll step down to this lens. still, it looks tempting.

the last item of interest to me is canon’s update to the 420EX, the speedlite 430EX flash. it looks like this flash has a much better information panel and controls that the 420EX doesn’t have. it also has a wide angle diffusion panel. to me this feels like the a baby version of the 580EX.

it seems like canon is listening to their users and they’ve created a smaller version of the 1D series of cameras and accessories so that if someone wants to go small, they don’t have to compromise too much.

the 5D looks like an extremely attractive body, but retailing at $3299, it’s far from practical for me. i’ll stay with my 20D, thank you very much. i am curious, though to see the next version of the 5D. i think that may be the camera for me.

as is usual, when i leave my name for a drink, i use the name josiah. many cashiers will ask me how to spell my name. there are some (and i’m assuming they either know a josiah or are religious) that don’t hesitate to spell out the name. usually when people see the name, they know how to pronounce it.

at jamba juice i ordered my drink, the cashier wrote my name down, but the person who made my drink called out my name “josie-ah? razzmatazz, no bananas, sub blueberries for josie-ah?”

i didn’t realize at first she was butchering my name, but i got it after a moment’s hesitation and i came up to get the drink. and she says, “josie-ah?” and i said, “no, josiah.” and she replied, “oh, this drink is for josie-ah.”

*blink, blink*

“oh, ok, i’m josie-ah,” i say.

“oh…uhhh, ok, ” she says as she hands me the drink.

i was talking to a few people the other night and we were talking about the sanctity of marriage. it’s incredible to me how different my views of marriage are compared to other people. this year will be the most number of weddings that i’ll have attended. i think it will be a total of six in all. it might have been seven were it not for the wedding that i was invited to and then later uninvited to.

but man, that’s a lot of weddings. it makes you wonder if there’s something in the water…

but so far all of the weddings i’ve been to have been really beautiful. you can tell how much the couple really loves each other. the devotion they have to each other, the joy in their hearts, the happiness that sings out from the depth of their souls. this is what weddings are all about.

it saddens me to no end when i hear about a wedding where the there is so much turmoil surrounding the couple. i shudder at the thought that they think that getting married will alleviate some of the issues that they have. marriage is not a solution to a problem that the couple is having.

it is even more insane for me to think that people will get married thinking that if things don’t work out they can always get divorced. is that really how things are going to work? there’s always an out? does marriage really mean that little to you? the only thing that i can hope for now is that they don’t have kids and bring children into this world with that kind of mentality. those poor kids…

jen broke the dryer in our apartment and i have more laundry piling up than ever before. it always is more urgent to do laundry when i can’t do it. whenever jen is doing laundry i have a sudden huge need to do laundry, but when she wasn’t doing it before, i didn’t really care to do it.

now that the dryer is broken, i feel like i have a mountain of laundry to do and it needs to be done NOW. i actually have run out of clean socks and boxers so i suppose it really is imperative that i do some laundry. i contemplated hanging the clothes to drive, but the sheer volume of clothes that i need to dry made that idea unattractive.

i finally went over to the local laundromat and did three huge loads of laundry. that should hold me over until later this week when the apartment people will finally fix the dryer.

while at city beach inbetween games, we were having this conversation about how i’ve been eating better. i put out these fruit gummies on the table and someone says that they don’t really like gummy candies.

diana: i don’t even like this, but it’s right in front of me and i’ll eat anything in front of me.
me: i’m right in front of you and i don’t see you eating me.
diana: …
rest of the table: <laughter>

ahhh, there are few times where i can stun diana into silence. the last time that happened was when i hugged from after a long day of volleyball, soaked in sweat. yeah…good times.