it’s incredible the complete range of emotion that i can feel in such a short time frame. completely amazing. i could be riding high from a huge breakthrough at work and experience one of those defining moments that makes programmers change from wanting to BFG everything in sight to just BFG specific monsters. and then, without warning, i could come toppling down with a crash mightier than the tech burst and suffer the immense agony that can only be likened to the sound of an atom splitting.
it’s amazing that we have such a huge capacity to love and hate. it is so amazing to me that we can feel such jolly jubilation one moment and then such dark depression the next.
some people feel that it’s not worth reaching the highest highs if that also means that it sets you up for the lowest of lows. i have always believed that it is always worth it to explore the happiest that you are capable of, and then pushing the envelope to experience bliss, even at the risk of being so low for so long that it feels like you’re up because you just don’t know what it is was like to feel that kind of wonder.
i think it is the agony of happiness. i wouldn’t have it any other way, even if it hurts now. some of my friends appear to be going through a rough time and i just wanted to tell them, though it may seem bleak now, opening yourself to the kind of joy that people have romanticized in novels, plays, and movies is the only way that i really believe you should live life. so much attention has been written about this kind of love and agony because it is something that we should all strive so much for. it’s an ideal, and shouldn’t we all aim high?
i think the best example i’ve ever heard of this was in the movie love actually.
Daniel: Well, you know – I thought it might be something worse.
Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love?
Daniel: Oh. No, you’re right. Yeah, total agony.