i was talking to a friend of mine today and all of a sudden i was overcome by a moment of sadness. i think that this summer is going to be very different from summers past. why? i think that a large part of my summer world has forever been altered.

things changes. it’s a natural progression of life. life is never meant to stay stationary and it’s just a matter of whether or not we can keep up with the jones. it sort of makes me sad that that chapter of my life seems to have been ended.

i guess i realized tonight that some things will never be the same again. i guess i should just let go of my pipe dreams that we could all get along and that everything will be ok. sometimes things aren’t ok and they won’t be ok. just gotta deal with it.

—–

i’m alive.

but that isn’t to say that jimmy didn’t try to kill me. no, no, make no mistake about it. he tried to kill me…with a mountain.

there’s something about mountain biking that has really been bothering me as of late. i’ve been pretty hard core lately and i’ve been biking about 3 or 4 times a week. now, i don’t consider myself to be super athletic or anything, but i used to think that i’m at least sort of reasonable ok. biking, however, has changed my opinion about this. i am now under the firm belief that i’m a weak ass wuss.

now, some may ask…why would you feel like that? why? well, it seems that EVERY single person that i’ve gone biking with can zoom zoom past me without breaking a sweat. but here i am huffing, puffing, and dying trying to make it up a little hill. it’s just insane.

oh well, that’s ok, i still had a lot of fun despite the fact that quicksilver has intimidated me for a long, long time. i had a great feeling of accomplishment after finishing the climb and reaping the rewards of the easy downhill on the back side.

this was the first serious uphill climb i went on with the new bike and i’m pretty happy with its performance. still though, i thought that something must have been wrong with me because i was dying climbing the hills while jimmy didn’t seem to break a sweat. dammit.

no pictures this trip, i couldn’t bear the extra weight of my gigantic camera.

—–

[url=http://jimmy.ocliw.com]jimmy[/url] and i are going to go biking today at almaden quicksilver park. i’m nervous about it. it’s been a few years since i last went there, but my last outing nearly killed me and i’m dreading the climb up the mountain.

the last time i went there, i recall having to make many, many stops because i just couldn’t go on. i was out of breath, dying, and just trying to gather up the will to go on.

then on the way back down, the brakes on my bike weren’t working well and i was braking with full power, but the bike wasn’t slowing down. pretty freaky. i swore never to come back again, but here i am, waiting for jimmy to pick me up so we can kill ourselves. why am i doing this?

i think part of it is because i need to face this challenge and take the mountain out. no more intimidation by this big rock, yo. it’s time for me to take it out.

if only it were that easy.

maybe i should write a will in case i don’t make it back.