[url=http://www.track15.com/blog/archives/2005/02_24.html#000493]dardy[/url] poses an interesting question today.
so here’s a moral question for you folks. if you knew that a guy was total scum and dating someone innocent and unknowing, are you in any position to tell the new girlfriend? does it depend on your relationship to the girl?
i think that you are under no moral obligation to say anything to anyone, but i think that a lot of how you deal with this really depends on your relationship with the people involved.
for example, if you are friends with the guy, but don’t know the girl, then as a friend, you should not really say anything to anyone. but, if you are friends with the girl, then things get a little bit more complicated.
if i am good friends with the girl, then i think that i would be inclined to talk to the girl and just warn her about things that i’ve heard about. what the girl does with that information is up to her, but you’ve done all that you can.
if you only casually know the girl, then i don’t think you are in a position to really say anything. wouldn’t it be kind of weird if someone who you only casually knew started telling you about someone who you have just started to date? sort of sounds like stalker-like behavior to me.
now, if the girl asks you about the guy, that’s a whole different story. you could probably mention ceratin things to her to clue her in on what kind of a guy he is. but outright just telling her would be weird, i would think.
if you are the guy’s ex-girlfriend and he is scum to you, unless you are friends with the new girlfriend or the new girlfriend asks you, i don’t think that you should say anything. if this girl decides that she wants to move across the country to be with him, that’s her decision to make.
just because someone was scum to one person doesn’t necessarily mean that they will be like that in another. the way i see it, this is a big move for her and she can make up her own mind about whether or not it’s important enough for her to move.
otherwise, i think you’ll just sound like a bitter ex who is trying to butt into their ex’s life to ruin it.
to be mo specific to my case…
what if you’re the guy’s exgirlfriend, and you know what kind of scum he is? would you warn the new girlfriend, who is clueless and thinking about moving across the country to be with him?