looks like the server died again while i was in vegas this weekend. some people joked that the server must have felt neglected and shut itself off so that it would get a little attention. whatever the case may be, i’m glad that it’s back up. it was stressful while it was down.

it feels like so long ago that i have felt like this. it’s a familiar feeling, but foreign at the same time. when i think of her, i get goosebumps. maybe it’s just the newness of things. i wonder if maybe i’m just deeply in lust instead of love…but could just unadulterated happiness really come out of something as fleeting as lust?

it’s weird that i say this because i know that i’ve lived before, but i don’t know how it was possible that i have lived until i breathed the same air that she breathes. everything else jis but a shadow of what today is now.

i think that when i think about her and me now, i think about how right it feels. in the past, i think that i felt that things did feel good, but there was something that just didn’t fit. the way that things fit now with my personality, with my lifestyle, with my day to day life, it’s seemingly perfect.

my days light up when i think about her and my nights long for her to be by my side. if only she could know how much she has impacted my life. if only she could know that as quickly as she entered my life, she has managed to capture my heart and fill it with a joy that words can only begin to describe, but forever fail to detail.

she is my life, and i hope that i am hers.

Continue reading if i fall, will you fall too? →

a co-worker of mine gives me a little kick in the butt in the lunch room. after a moment of shock, i turn to her.

me: don’t make me beat your ass down right here, right now.
her: oh yeah?
me: yeah, i have no problems hitting a girl.
her: let’s see about that!
me: …
her: oops!
me: …!

tomorrow will be playoffs for several new friends that i’ve made at the fremont citybeach. i think that i will go and support the teams through their playoffs.

i remember a time when greg and i were playing a grass tournament and a bunch of my friends came to cheer us on. we were placed in a division that was way higher than what we could compete in and were getting killed. i was a little embarassed that we were getting slaughtered so.

but when my friends came, they were cheering for us and cheering for us rather loudly. any little point we made, any good play we had, they cheered. we still were destroyed, but the fact that they came out to cheer us on really brightened up my day. it is one of the happiest memories i have of those summer tournaments.

i used to date this girl and one of the phrases that we coined in our relationship was “i’m cheering for you.” i think it started when i was going through tough times. though she couldn’t really do anything to help the situation, she told me that she was cheering for me. i think just knowing that the other person is there, rooting you on in the face of imminent disaster always brought me great comfort.

after we broke up, she and i have gone off in our separate ways and we’ve had some ups and downs in our friendship. we aren’t talking anymore, and to be honest, i don’t know if the situation will ever let us be friends again. despite being disappointed at how she has chosen to handle our friendship, i still do remember with great fondness the phrase that we had coined.

win or lose, it doesn’t matter, it’s the journey that shapes our existance. i appreciate the people in my life who make it special, who make it worthwhile, and for those people i can only feel an incredible gratitude for the impact they’ve had on my life. whether they realize it or not, it is appreciated.

i’m cheering for you, too.

that’s what my mom said to me last night while we were talking about life, the universe, and everything. i didn’t know what that word meant and i asked her and she looked to my dad and this is how our conversation went:

dad: en?
me: yeah, what does “en” mean?
dad: ahhh, you know, “en” wa…. like, “en!”
me: what?! you can’t use the word to define the word!
dad: jaa, ne…”en” is like…well, you know, en!

at this point, my mom runs upstairs and gets her japanese to english electronic dictionary and types it in. “en” is the quality of being fated or destined. fate or destiny.

so my mom says that when it comes to love, it’s all about the “en”, yo. in japanese, “yo” can be used to emphasize a point. it’s actually the exact same way that i use it in english. i didn’t realize that until yesterday. it made me wonder if i knew that or not.

anyway, my mom was saying that when it comes to love, you’ll know it and it’ll work out if the “en” is there.

she then proceeded to tell me the kind of girl that she thinks i should date. she told me that the girl should have suffered in her life. people who have suffered in their life really appreciate everything about life. they appreciate the little things, don’t take people for granted, and are nice.

she also told me that i shouldn’t date a rich girl. she believes that rich people have had an easy life and expect things to be easy. so when the going gets tough, they won’t be there to support you in your time of need and suffer with you.

she also told me that i don’t need to date a pretty girl. she said even if the face isn’t pretty, it’s ok. pretty people tend to know that they are pretty and use it to their advantage.

so i asked her, “so what you are saying is that i should be dating an ugly, poor girl who has suffered through life?!” lovely! i guess i ought to go strolling telegraph in berkeley and pick up on some bums, eh?

this week has been a whirlwind of changes lately. i’m not sure how it all happened but i’ve been on a little bit of a shopping spree again. it’s awful. somebody stop me, please…or tell me what else i should buy because i’ve run out! =P

paul asked me if i had anything that i need to buy from b&h so i finally snatched up the sto-fen diffuser for the 550EX flash and the ridiculously overpriced monaco optix xr pro monitor calibration hardware. but hey, it’s all in the name of good colors, right? yeah, that’s what i tell myself.

outside of camera purchases, i have been debating about a big purchase, but with all big decisions in my life, i seem to have strong opinions about what i want and i do it rather impulsively. i was talking to my mom last night and she was telling me that she sees this trend in me.

dad: i need you to come home tonight to sign some papers.
me: ok. what time?
dad: i plan to get home early tonight from work.
me: ok. when’s that?
dad: probably around 8:30 or 9pm.
me: 8:30 or 9pm is early for you?
dad: isn’t it for you?

sheesh.

free wendy’s frosty this weekend. just ask for it, no coupon necessary. i remember the first time that i had a frosty from wendy’s. it was pretty late in life, maybe around college.

i loved them. i loved them so much that i kept looking for wendy’s wherever i was at to get a frosty. ahhh, good memories.

last night was playoffs for my monday night citybeach team. we got eliminated in the first round of our play after having a bye. i’m pretty disappointed that we lost, not because we lost, but because we played absolutely awfully. the team that we played against was a good team, but it was just sad to see that the curse of the citybeach playoffs struck our team, yet again.

the only consolation that i have of the evening is that jen’s team beat them. i guess i can find comfort in that? i don’t know.

tuesday night volleyball is coming to a close for me and i think that i’m going to be scaling back on my volleyball nights. i’m not sure what i’m going to be doing, really, but i guess three nights of volleyball do seem like a little too much. i’m hoping to find something interesting and fun to do instead, but i may just devote it to a rotating pearl tea night out instead. i feel like i haven’t had pearl tea with my pearl tea girls in so long. i feel rather disconnected.

it looks like i’m going to have to get a new car. i was telling my parents about how my car needs service and how much of a pain it is. my mom promptly told me that she has decided for me that i need to go and buy a new car.

apparently, i’ve told her in the past that if there is one more repair that i need to perform on this car, i am going to ditch it and get a new car. this was probably like 4 or 5 repairs ago. so she set her foot down and told me that i have to get a new car.

the new car has to have a few features that make it hard for me to decide what to get, but i have a very short deadline to get this car before my mom hunts me down and starts nagging me about getting a new car.

the car has to: