a long time ago, whenever a girl would talk to me, i would clam up, stutter for words, and generally try to get out of that uncomfortable situation because i never knew what to do or say. sometimes there would be long gaps of silence, sometimes i would just blurt out the most stupid and inane things, but sometimes i’d just act creepy.
i was reminded of this when i read cindy’s post about competition when it comes to getting one’s affections. i’m not sure why, but i think the last time i felt like i had to compete for someone else’s attention and affection was back when i had general issues talking to women in general.
what i have found to be true for myself is that i am most comfortable being myself. far too often i see people who become fake and just ooze this kind of artificial superficiality to try and impress someone else. why do people do it? i also see people play games with others, trying to interest other parties by playing hard to get or by making them feel jealous. i feel that all of these tactics are immature.
why would you want to entice someone to get to know you by such means? i guess it is one thing if these tactics are the general way in which you pursue your life goals, but if you only use such means in the dating realm, one has to ask yourself, “why?”
i have always been a sucker for genuine honesty. for example, in beauty and the geek, brittany exudes this kind of genuine honesty that really endears me to her. she doesn’t put up false pretenses about what she thinks or who she is. she just says what she believes, without pretentions or ulterior motives. after she had found out she was doing a photo shoot, she comments to her partner, “oh. it’s too bad that i didn’t wear my good bra.” depending on how that is said, one could think that that could have been a very teasing or playful comment, but she said it matter of factly. it really was just a shame to her.
the point i’m trying to make, though, is that when it comes to someone that you love, if you feel like you are always competing for their attention, you have to wonder why it is that you have to compete for their attention to begin with. that isn’t to say that you shouldn’t try to get to know each other better, but if i am ever in a situation where i feel like i have to compete for some girl’s attention, that is a big deterrent for me. it isn’t so much about winning or losing out on their attention as much as it is that if i am really into a girl, i want them to be just as interested in me. if it is a one-sided relationship that we share, then maybe it just isn’t that great of a match to begin with.
it really should be as easy as, “hey, i like you. let’s hang out.”
