[url=http://leafee.ocliw.com]leeya[/url] wrote something that i think i have to respond to. she said that:
Personally, I don’t believe that it’s possible for exes to interact on a platonic level after a breakup…especially after being together for an extended amount of time. There’s just too much history to ignore—good and bad. On top of that, there’s the intimacy you’ve shared. How can you be near someone who you’ve loved both physically and mentally for a while and then act as if those moments have never existed? And can you be okay watching them moved on without you?
and i would have to strongly disagree here. yes, there is a lot of history to ignore and i don’t think that after you do break up with someone that you should just ignore the history that you had…especially after you’ve dated them for a long time. i don’t believe that relationships should be things that you just forget or ignore…and it should be just the opposite.
it isn’t so much about acting like you’ve never been intimate with someone before. generally, the exes that i’ve been friends with are my friends because of the experiences that we’ve shared, not despite them. it’s important to acknowledge that you have had those experiences…it’s not like you can deny the past. and i think it’s because i’ve had those moments that i can better understand the person and be a better friend to them.
i will admit that it was hard for me to see some of my exes move on. sometimes it wasn’t hard, it was excrutiatingly painful. i was bitter, i was upset, i was deeply hurt. but i also wasn’t over them. as much as i want to say that i was ready, the reason why i felt all of that pain was because i wasn’t. but eventually i got over it and them moving on helped me get over them and just move on myself.
Lets face it, no matter how often you convinced yourself that you want them to be happy with or without you, deep down inside you prefer they be miserable without you. 🙂
i just don’t think that’s true. i don’t think that i would ever want any of my exes to be miserable without me…even some of the exes that i felt really screwed me over, i wouldn’t wish ill on them. i want them to find happiness in their own right. even some of the exes that i don’t really care for, that i wouldn’t want to see again, i still would hope that they are happy now and that they can find the happiness that they are looking for.
i’m a big advocate of happiness. however anyone can find it and however it is that more people can find it, the better. it’s one thing to still be in love with someone after you’ve broken up, but it’s another thing to have a mature relationship with them afterwards. it isn’t for all people, some pain runs too deep and maintaining a friendship with them may just end up being a constant reminder of what can never be. i guess the secret of being friends with the ex is to have truly moved on and to truly like the person as a friend.
some people are never friends with their exes. that’s probably a very safe way to go. you will never run into issues with your ex if you never see them. but i guess the way i see it is that if you can have a successful friendship with an ex, they have the potential to be one of your dear, close friends because they share an understanding of you that few people in the world get an opportunity to have. i’m not optimistic about being friends with many of my exes, but the few that i am friends with, i am very glad that i am.
We should all have such an enlightened perspective on relationships, past, present and future. It probably takes a lot of maturity, experience, and most of of all, sincere love to truly understand and appreciate the depths of something as complicated as an intimate relationship between two people.
I think that you have a great outlook on relationships– whether they work out or not… It also takes one with a lot of experience to gain that type of hindsight. Yeah, it might require swallowing your pride and letting go of that WANT- but in the end, that happiness you wish unto that other person means that you truly care for them.
Oh- btw, i happed onto your site via someone else… nice site!
It is true. The scar that remains may run very deep, so deep that it may never go away. However, the experience shared may have equally left an indelible imprint. Although some relationships don’t last, there is no set rule that says the relationship can’t turn in to a friendship. It’s completely up to those involved.
Love is the most ambiguous, intangible concept that exists. There are no hard fast rules to dictate what should or shouldn’t be. Just as people come in different shapes and sizes, the relationships we develop with one another can never be duplicated either.
I agree. but whose perspective are you looking from? most relationships that ended, don’t usually end mutually. there’s bound to be one person being deeply hurt. to me, it isn’t about maturity…it’s about the type of scar that was left behind and if it’s something that one can recovered from.