i have a friend who i think it pretty cool and hanging out with them is always an enjoyable experience. we quickly became friends and we get along great. some people get the wrong idea that something may be up between us, but this is probably the farthest from the truth. we’re just friends. she is just a friend.

i have another friend who i thought we were closer. we have gone through a lot together and our friendship over the years have grown to what i thought was a very strong bond. she understands me, even the most subtle of behaviors she can pick up on and understand my mood. she’ll know when something is bothering me when no one else will. she’ll know when i’m really happy and when i’m really sad and she’ll know how to make me feel better about it when i am down.

what i’m starting to realize though is that just because someone understands you through and through, it does not mean that you are very close friends. when asked in high school what i was looking for in a relationship, i used to say i want to meet someone who understands me better than i understand myself. i used to think that that was the fundamental quality that separated friends from girlfriends.

but i’m beginning to see that just because someone understands you at that level isn’t a reflection of the nature of your friendship. maybe i’m just very easy to read. i think that i did confuse that kind of understanding with some kind of deeper bond. i think that it is the case that a strong friendship would have this level of understanding, but it isn’t true that just because you have that level of understanding that you have a strong friendship.

but she and i…well, she’s just a friend. not a best friend, just one that seems to understand me.

it’s something that i’m trying to understand and accept. it’s just weird. i’ve never had that kind of a friendship before.