i was talking to a friend over the weekend and we were relating some of our dating experiences to each other and she asked me about how a guy would hint disinterest in a girl if they had gone out on a date.

it’s funny because i’ve seen situations where the guy was crazy about the girl but the girl couldn’t stand the guy. the guy thought the date went fabulously, but the girl thought it was a disaster. how does the girl convey to the guy that she’s not interested? what if the situation was reversed? what if the guy wasn’t interested in the girl, but the girl was interested in the guy?

apparently, it’s pretty common practice for the guy to just not call the girl up anymore. or rather, to say that he’d call her back, but not. to just ignore their calls and not answer the phone or to delete messages left with them. chandler in friends was employing this technique so that he wouldn’t have to call rachel’s boss back after a boring date.

i don’t know. even if i was not interested, i wouldn’t just delete voicemails and let them go off into oblivion. i think that i’d just feel too bad. i don’t think that i’d be able to just ignore them. it just seems so callous. i’d probably rather try to hint that i’m not interested, but if push came to shove, i’d probably tell them politely and nicely that i just don’t see it working. i think the direct, honest way is the better way to go. it’s probably the best way that i could deal with it without feeling bad about it afterwards.

not that this really matters to me, anyway. i’m usually the one who needs to convince/bribe/kidnap the girl to get her to go out on a date with me, anyway. ahhh, what a luxury it must be to be pursued by a girl.

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Remember the first time I told you I love you –
It was raining hard and you never heard –
You sneezed! and I had to say it over
I said I love you I said… you didn’t say a word

i was listening to this song when it reminded me of a time in a relationship when i would profess my love to my significant other and they would just sit there, frozen, as if they had never heard it. i was mortified. did i say too much? did they not feel the same way?

Remember the last time I told you I love you –
It was warm and safe in our perfect world –
You yawned and I had to say it over
I said I love you I said… you didn’t say a word

i remember that i had opened up my heart to another. i had left myself vulnerable and open. i had done all that i could, but was met with nothing. no acknowledgement, no reciprocation…nothing. as if you had never heard. so later, i had to say it over, i said, “I love you” and again it was met with silence.

probably any kind of sign would have been better than none at all. “i don’t feel the same.” or “i’m not sure i’m ready.” or “woah, nelly, you’re moving just a little too fast there, buddy.” something. just so i knew. it is probably one of the worst feelings i’ve been through to expose myself and for it to be ignored.

i think that when you do come to those crossroads, it sort of defines the relationship. it either brings you closer or starts to set you apart. it’s happened to me a couple of times in a couple of different relationships over the years and i have to admit that there’s some amount of anxiety about it. it’s not every day that you profess your love to another, and when you do, it should be a happy, joyous occasion. it shouldn’t be met with a loss of words. it shouldn’t be met with discomfort. if it is, maybe you just aren’t ready as a couple to take that next step, but you should at least acknowledge that you aren’t ready.

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