i’m having a hard time concentrating at work right now. maybe it’s the complete lack of sleep. maybe it’s the weird weather we’re having. i’m pretty sure it’s the lack of sleep. i ended up sleeping a little after 2. not for any particular reason, i wasn’t that sleepy at 2 either, but i knew if i did not go to sleep soon that it would become that much harder for me to go wake up at 5:30. yeah…pushing on a little less than 3 hours of sleep and i think that my plans for the rest of the day just got cancelled so maybe i’ll go home and make some food and call it an evening.

i’ve been craving some good cooking lately. i wonder what i would make if i had my choice. hmmmmm. let’s see. i think that i’m sort of in the mood for some japanese food. maybe some sukiyaki. ooooh, i haven’t had sukiyaki in AGES. hmmmm, you know, i think that’s what i’m going to do. food is such a great comfort.

but i don’t think that i’ll stop there. no, i do feel like something more than just a little sukiyaki. i think that i’ll also make tempura. now that’s something i haven’t made in a long, long time. mmmmm.

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every so often i get this pang of pain. different things seem to trigger it, but it inevitably is the same feeling. i don’t know why it comes over me and sometimes it comes at the strangest times.

i feel like such a rotten friend. a friend recently shared some good news with me and i was happy for them, but at the same time i felt sad for myself. it’s a strange, selfish sadness of mine that i know i had to get over with already. good, happy news shouldn’t be a downer. i tried to put on a good face, but i think i just got a little too caught up in how i felt. i’m mostly over it now, though.

it’s funny how one thing dovetails into another though. seemingly unrelated items can suddenly conjur up related ideas that start to feed off each other.

sometimes i wonder if i’m deluding myself into happiness…or at least contentment. most of the time i think that i feel either genuinely happy or content. but then there’s that moment every once in a while of this greater sadness that seems to well up inside me and once it has reached its brim it comes gushing out all of a sudden. but as quickly as it comes, it goes away. i’m not sure what’s up with these mood swings and i try hard not to let them affect me too much.

is there a greater sadness that is consuming me and i’m just looking the other way? i find myself asking that to see if there really is a greater issue that needs to be resolved. i think ultimately i’m ok. there isn’t anything that i can point out that may be the cause of what’s giving me the blues from time to time. i guess it’s just the way things are.

like i said, as quickly as the moment comes, it usually goes.

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