i remember a while ago my mom and i were having a conversation about happiness. she had told me that a lot of people believe that money is the key to happiness. she told me that a lot of people thought that if you had a lot of money, then you can have all the the things in the world that could make you happy.

and though veronica does make me happy, even if i were without her, i think that i could be just as happy. but the one thing that my mom said to me which i found rather striking was that the lack of money is a source of unhappiness. she told me that it isn’t so much about having so much money that you don’t know what to do with it as much as it is about having enough money to have all your basic needs cared for.

she then went on a tirade about how spoiled i am because i’ve found work that pays for more than the bare essentials. she reminds me of how i grew up and the things we did to make ends meet. she asked me if i remembered those times and she asked me if things were different, would i still be the same way that i was now.

all too often people are obsessed with the pursuit of happiness in the form of money. they think that if they have all the money in the world they wouldn’t have any problems. it’s been something that i’ve been thinking about lately. if i had a choice between being happy or being rich, which would i choose?

one of the nice things about being rich is that it gives you the freedom to do whatever it is that you want. see the world, go on adventures, get new things…all sounds pretty attractive. but if you weren’t rich, but you were happy what kind of life would you lead? i think that a happy life is one that isn’t necessarily full of lavish belongings or extravagant vacations…it’s something that at the end of the day you look at how the day progressed and you feel yourself smile.

i think that’s ultimately what i want. i want to feel myself smile…that isn’t to be confused by the actual act of smiling, but the warmth that rushes all over your body as happiness consumes you. i’ve felt a few moments of bliss and i have to say that it is because of those moments that i have staved off any sense of deep jadedness in me.

maybe it’s the romantic in me that chooses love over money. maybe i just can’t get myself to fully live in the practical world. whatever the case may be, i think that i’m rather happy just the way i am and i don’t think that i would change how i think.

The world is no longer a romantic place, some of its people still are however, and therein lies the promise.

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i was telling a friend about a recent plight of mine and how it was really rather upsetting. my friend then said, “you’re gonna take it ou on them tonight aren’t you?” oh how well they know me. i was considering it for a while thinking that it’d make me feel better but when the time came, i just didn’t have the heart to do it anymore.

just thinking about the whole ordeal started to get me down and i couldn’t get myself to wreak havoc on the person because it just started reminded me of the whole thing. it’s all over and done with anyway and there was no malice to the person’s actions. it was an honest misunderstanding so i might as well let bygones be bygones.

odd though…i used to make such pleasure in doing something like that. i wonder if i’m growing soft in my old age.

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