They say it’s a river, circles the earth
A beam of light shining to the edge of the universe
It conquers all
It changes everything

thoughts of love have been on my mind quite a bit recently. not that i’m in love now, but just the whole notion of whether or not i believe in true love, how one can attain such a thing, and what it is that i’m looking for when i seek this thing called love. despite all of my experiences so far, the belief in true love still resonates strongly in every beat of my weathered heart. i still have a strong conviction that true love is out there and i’m unwilling to close the door to that path of happiness, just yet.

They say it’s a blessing
They say it’s a gift
They say it’s a miracle and I believe that it is
It conquers all
but it’s a mystery

i never really thought that i would be one to be so caught up with love. to be loved, to love, to know why so much has been written, sung, and acted about…it’s such a powerful force that can consume one’s spirit. it can occupy their entire philosophy, paint their world, and change their life.

i have been thinking lately about what it is that might lead me to find this kind of love. the kind of love that endures through the ages. the kind of love that i think i’m looking for knows no bounds, it hesitates for no one, it is just there to be given and received, equally, whole-heartedly, and freely. that’s the kind of love that i seek.

Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard

And it fades away
So easily

recognizing this kind of love can be difficult and painful. the problem with love is that though you can give it freely, having it returned to you may not come as easily. it’s one of the most challenging things about love. the challenge is finding someone who will return your love as freely and genuinely as you give it unto them.

one of the most powerful gifts one can give to another is all of their love…their affections…their passion. in this we leave ourselves open to the possibility of great, great pain. we allow ourselves to be turned away. to know that though we feel that we can gives ourselves completely to them…they can stand there seeing this great gift and passing it by. the depths of such pain are excrutiating at the least…yet every day we see people throw themselves into the tangled web of love, hoping to be caught.

In this world we’ve created
In this place that we live
In the blink of an eye babe, the darkness slips in
Love lights the world
Unites the lovers for eternity

Love breaks the chains
Love aches for every one of us
Love takes the tears and the pain
And then turns it into the beauty that remains

the thing about love is once you have gotten caught up in it, its effects are intoxicating.

i think that i used to be quite eager to be in love. i wanted to be in love, i wanted to be loved. i wanted to be a part of that whole loving thing.

it isn’t that i don’t want to be in love, i still do, but i think that these days i’m a little more selective about how it is that i’m going to go about this love thing. before i used to just wear my heart on my sleeve and follow it wherever it may lead me. the problem with that is that i just followed too blindly, without thinking, where my heart would take me. and sometimes the heart just doesn’t know what’s best for me.

that isn’t to say that i will now sit and think about every decision i make in this arena, but i think that i’m definitely a little more cautious about what i do these days.

besides, whenever i’ve tried to look for love, it has always eluded me…but it’s when i stop looking that something just happens to come my way. life has a funny way of doing that.

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this weekend was a pretty busy one for me. no idle sitting waiting for the cows to come home this weekend. no siree, bob.

it all started with shirley’s hawaiian bbq. it was pretty fun to go out and meet new people and just have a good time. i had a few drinks at the constant behest of trang and shirley. shirley’s first challenge was “you aren’t going to let a little girl outdrink you, are you?” to which my reply could only have been, “i have no problem with that.”

but still, between her and trang, i knew that it was going to be a bit of a drinking night. not too bad though, i got a little warm, quite flushed, and a little silly, but not to the point where i got sleepy. alcohol for me is much like a sleeping pill. if taken in excess, i start to get quite drowsy and mellow. it does none of that liquid fearlessness that i hear about. it doesn’t do anything to make me less uninhibited. no, it just makes me sleepy.

one of the things that i told myself long, long ago was that i would never drink myself to the point where i would not be able to remember what it was that i was doing. my college roommate used to go booze it up all the time. apparently he was quite the character when he was drunk, but otherwise was a pretty mellow guy. but to have fun, he needed to drink. and i think that’s where i draw the line. i don’t want to have to drink to have fun, but i can definitely have fun while having drinks.

but anyway, the party was a lot of fun, i was able to meet some people and i learned some new things about some people that i already knew. it seems that i’m meeting more and more of the berkeley aphio gang through these parties. it’s almost as if i knew them with all the connections drawn out here and there.

because of the hawaiian theme, i made spam musubi for the party. i was afraid that it might not have been met with as much excitement as i had hoped, but it seemed that people ate it up and one guy seemed to really enjoy it quite a bit. i also made miso salmon which i don’t think was finished up, so that must clearly mean something about spam musubi and how good it is.

sunday was spent playing volleyball. first in the park and then later in the evening at JACL. i’m not sure if i will do the double volleyball play thing. it’s a lot of volleyball and i’m not sure if my ankle is really ready to take that kind of wear just yet.

there’s a big break for JACL now. i think it’s something like 3 weekends off, so i think that i’m going to have to find something to do on those sundays now. maybe i’ll have a sunday dinner. i haven’t had one of those in a long while.

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[url=http://jimmy.ocliw.com]jimmy[/url], josh, and i went biking this morning on what jimmy calls an “endurance run”. this ride was actually pretty flat the whole way through. we went for about 16 miles this morning. jimmy set out our goal to average between 10-15 miles per hour.

i think that i usually do about 8-10 miles an hour when i go biking so this pace was a little bit more aggressive than i’m used to. sure they say 10-15 miles, but i would say that jimmy and josh probably were averaging 15-20 mph an hour most of the time. i tried to stay in the 10-15 mph range and for the most part i think that i was doing alright. just when i thought that i was getting my groove on (at about mile 10) josh had to turn back so we took a shortcut back to jimmy’s place.

all in all it was a good ride and my legs are actually still burning from this morning’s ride. usually after showering i usually don’t feel anything in my legs so i guess what i need to do is keep up this kind of pace to really get some kind of workout.

after i showered i rested while watching tv. i think that i drifted in and out of consciousness for a while until i started to get ready for shirley’s hawaiian-themed party. this’ll be the second hawaiian themed party in just as many weeks that i’ll be going to. very interesting. i’m kind of tired though, i don’t know how long i’ll last tonight at the party. hopefully i’ll be able to stick it out for a bit, but i am dead tired.

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Someone like me
-Atomic Kitten

Don’t let your head rule your heart
Don’t let your world be torn apart
Don’t keep it all to yourself
Just let all your emotions run free
With someone like me
That’s they way it should be
Someone like me

I know it’s hard
When your feelin’ down
To lift your feet up off the ground
We make mistakes
But doesn’t everybody
You don’t always have to agree
With someone like me
That’s the way it should be
Someone like me

We know the story so far
(What you want and who you are)
What you want and who you are (free)
Let all you emotions run free
You don’t always have to agree
With someone like me
That’s the way it should be
Someone like me
Someone like me

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on an impulse buy i decided to get a new electric shaver yesterday. i’ve had my old shaver for something like 12 years now and the battery just isn’t holding the same charge that it used to. shaving technology sure has come a long way since then. i got the [url=http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/large-image/-/B000068PBL/ref=dp_impu_txt/002-1050512-8088021?me=ATVPDKIKX0DER]norelco 7885xl[/url] electric shaver which uses the patented lift and cut technology. now my old shaver had the same technology but it didn’t feel like this.

the shave is nice and close and doesn’t irritate my skin. what’s cool is that this model can be run under water to clean the heads. AND the heads swivel to conform to the contours of your face. very nice. i hope that it’ll last me another dozen years.

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i was talking to a friend of mine today and we got to the topic of dating someone who was already taken. i am adamantly against this practice. i don’t think it’s right. if i find out that someone is taken, they are basically dead to me, romantically speaking. for me, the thought of pursuing someone who already has a significant other is all sorts of wrong.

firstly, it would really upset me if a guy tries to put the moves on my girl. the whole idea of trying to steal my girl away from me just makes me pretty upset. not that i think that she is my possession or anything, but it’s just messed up to go after someone else’s significant other. i would never be able to do it, regardless of how cool i think the girl is and no matter how attracted i am to her, if she’s taken that’s that.

so then my friend asked me what if the guy she’s with treats her really badly and she’s miserable. to that i could only say that it doesn’t change my mind at all. there’s a reason that she still sticks it out with him and until she leaves him, there’s no way that i’d pursue anything. i would hate to be the reason why a couple starts to fight and breaks up. there should be enough love for everyone out there to get their equal share. why try to take away from someone else? it’s just bad karma.

and finally, i think that it would probably make me pretty uncomfortable if i were to date someone who i took away from someone else. what assurances do i have that there won’t be some other dude that will try to take her away from me and that she’ll then go to him. it just sets a bad precedent.

if i am to start in a relationship, it should be a happy thing, not one that was bourne out of someone’s misery. the relationship should be a joyous time for everyone.

do i expect then, that other guys will think the same way and not try to take girls away from their guy? of course not. i live in the real world. i know how it works. but the way i figure is that i should be confident in my relationship such that i wouldn’t have to worry about these things. if you do have to worry about these sorts of things, then i think that you have to look at the bigger problem. why are there these insecurities? what is the root of the problem?

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brad contacted me yesterday afternoon and asked me if i wanted to play grass volleyball that evening. woah, pretty late notice, but sure, i didn’t have plans anyway. so we ended up playing doubles (only four people showed up!) until almost 8. pretty crazy.

from there i rushed back home to wash up and get ready for poker night. it was a pretty big night for poker night, but it started pretty late as well. i don’t get it, it’s getting later and later every week! what is everyone doing?

but all in all it was a fun evening. i went to sleep rather soundly and now friday has come. ahhh, thank goodness for friday. i think that it’s finally time for me to relax and enjoy the coming weekend.

speaking of this weekend, i think that i will be biking with jimmy somewhere. not sure where, just yet, but i’m looking forward to that. jimmy says that it’ll be endurance biking this time. i’m not sure if i like the sound of that…

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i took my bike back the shop to get some adjustments done and to check out how it had settled in the month that i have been riding it. there were some missing nuts and bolts on the rear derailer which sort of freaked me out, but all in all everything seems to be good. i’m not sure when the next time i will be able to go out again though. today is poker night and i have been meaning to bake some cookies all week, so i may have to stay in and bake some cookies instead of going out to ride.

tomorrow seems like it’s going to be a fun day, more cooking for me. i’m not sure what i will be making yet, though spam musubi is looking more and more attractive the more i think about it. mmmm. spam musubi. i wonder how many people there will eat it, though. i’m also thinking about breaking out the bbq bible and doing some kind of marinade meat, but i don’t know if that’ll really work out or not. we’ll have to see, i guess. i don’t know what kind of meat i’d like to make though….hmmmm, i haven’t made pork in a while…hmmmm. or chicken, really.

but anyway, yes, the bike is back.

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