last night as i was sitting on my bed, leg propped up and for the first time in a long while i felt incredibly alone. i think that when i hurt my knee it reminded me of the time when i had sprained my ankle.
i’m a pretty fiercely independent person, so it’s hard for me to rely on other people. maybe it’s all of the years of my parents teaching me to be self-sufficient and that if you aren’t it’s a sign of weakness. maybe it’s because they’ve ingrained in me the sorts of ideas of what a man should be…the silent warrior type. i don’t know, maybe my parents wanted me to be a samurai.
whatever the case may be, last night, i was sitting on my bed in the dark feeling rather lonely. no one was there to kiss my boo boo and make it better. no one was there to ask me if i was okay. no one was there to cuddle up next to and fall asleep, forgetting the pain that throbbed tirelessly in my knee. nope. and it made me sad because all this time i think that i felt that i was pretty happy and doing just fine until the moment that i actually needed someone.
the moment came and went and i’m fine now…but there was a pang of loneliness and a reminder of how wonderful love can be and how much i miss it when it’s gone.
it sort of made me think if there was anyone out there that i would pursue a relationship with. i haven’t really thought too actively about it until very recently and i think that i came up with there not really being an opportunity available. gone are the days that i’d be longing a relationship so much that i may end up dating someone who i wouldn’t under other circumstances. gone are the days where i feel incomplete because i don’t have a significant other. i don’t need to be in a relationship, i just like being in them with the right person.
and that’s what it boils down to: trying to find the right person. i think that i’m finally in a phase in my life where i’m able to start looking again.
so don’t be shy, love, come to my door and find me. i’m looking for ya too!