love/hate relationship

my birthday is this week. i have sort of a love/hate relationship with it. in the past, i used to love my birthday because i had always associated it with good, happy times. but in the last several years, my birthday has been marked with some bad experiences. so i’m trying to look at this year, the last year that i can say i’m in my 20s in a positive light, but sometimes it’s hard.

i look back ten years ago at what i had planned for myself and so much hasn’t gone the way that i thought it would. back then i thought that i’d be married by now…and maybe even have a kid. funny how things work out. instead, i’m single with no sign of getting close to the plan that i had. it’s not something that i really regret, though. life has a certain way of working out and though it hasn’t gone as i had planned a long time ago, i think that my goals are different now. some things just aren’t as important to me as they used to be and i’ve come to realize what is really important.

but still, i can’t help but think that i’m starting to get old. playing volleyball, i get sore more easily and don’t recover as quickly as i used to. even going hiking, i get sore. it’s silly, but it’s a sign that my body just isn’t recovering like it used to. the fact that i have to do strengthen exercises to keep my shoulder and ankle ok is yet another sign of my aging. so sad. maybe i should stop being active, then i won’t be hurt all the time. =P

but i was talking to jimmy the other day, and he told me that he was thinking about making a wishlist on his page and it reminded me of when dardy added one to his page as well. i’ve always had a wishlist on my computer, but i’ve been lazy about moving it online. it’s more a list for myself so i remember all the things that i want to get. some of those items are actually rather pricy and they’ve stayed on the wishlist, never to see the insides of my apartment. but one of these days…

so i took a look at my wishlist and updated it a little. i never realized how much of a magazine junkie i really am, but i’ve pruned the list down a little bit. i wonder how much of this stuff i’ll buy for myself calling it a birthday present to myself. i’ve already gotten two things and i’m about to head off to gilroy with my roommate to do some outlet shopping. i’m very scared.