remember the old sierra game leisure suit larry? it was one of the first mainstream adult games for the PC. i remember when you started the game, you would have to answer these trivia questions that only “mature” audiences would know the answers to. i found that pretty funny.

one of the LSL games was called leisure suit larry goes looking for love (in several wrong places). i used to go looking for love. quite often i would be looking for love in all sorts of places, sometimes in the wrong places, sometimes in no place i really should have gone. i do want to find love, the kind of crazy love that consumes you for the rest of your life. but i don’t think that i’m looking for love anymore.

it’s strange. it used to be my personal quest to be looking for love. most recently, i feel like i’m not even looking anymore. people say that love will find you when you least expect it and sometimes in the most unsuspecting of places. i agree with that, and though i feel like i have (temporarily =P) given up looking for love, i do hope that love will find me.

and hey, love, find me soon, ok?

i realize that i’ve been unusually negative lately. it’s strange because i don’t think that i’m really all that sad or anything, but when i think about things to write, i seem to really focus on the negative.

maybe it’s always been that way for me. i tend to write about what lingers on my mind, and usually that’s the bad. or maybe i’ve just been blocking out the bad so much that now it just seems to be spewing forth. who knows?

a friend of mine has told others when they are stressed they need to take a deep breath and then repeat to themselves “serenity now!” though i don’t feel any more serene, i do find myself rather contemplative.

it’s days like this that you wish you can start over, but i think even if i did, i wouldn’t have done things differently. such is life, they say.

i’m sitting at an internet cafe right now in cupertino waiting to meet up with some friends that i’m going to be doing a wedding shoot for. this’ll be the first time that i’ll be the primary photographer for a wedding and it makes me a little nervous. i talked to my mom about it and she said that it is too much responsibility and i should find someone else to do it for me.

i did had those kinds of thoughts too, but the guy who asked me to take his wedding photographs is a very highly respected photographer in my eyes. i’m honored that he asked me to take pictures for him and i hope not to disappoint. i’m actually kind of excited about it.

dardy wrote:

“i think both of us are looking for knock-you-off-your-feet passion, and we’re not able to find it. and then, we’re left to wonder if that’s just impossible to obtain now, and we should settle down with a relationship that’s safe and secure.”

i am definitely looking for the knock-you-off-your-feet kind of passion in a relationship. i haven’t found it, but i don’t think that i can ever settle down with a relationship that’s safe and secure. it just isn’t enough for me.

the thing about love is that it is easy to mistake true love with something that wasn’t meant to work out. how often do we find ourselves deep in puppy love craving to be with the object of your affection only to find, sometime later, that it wasn’t meant to be? crushes and infatuations are easily mistaken for true love.

but regardless of how easy it seems to mistake true love for something else, i don’t think that i would ever be discouraged from seeking out true love. i couldn’t possibly be happy to just be content. i expect more out of life and more out of myself. to have any less, though it may seem unlikely at times, would really be a life that is only mediocre. i don’t think that love should EVER be mediocre. it should always be fabulous.