I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things that you say
It doesn’t take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I’m sensitive
And I’d like to stay that way

when it comes to some things, i have pretty thick skin. i can be cold, i can be blunt, and i can appear to not give a care in the world. with some things i can be so detached from a situation that it would be hard to imagine that i was personally involved. i consider this to be one of my strengths in my professional life. sure, sometimes it means that i’m difficult, sometimes it means that i’m mean to vendors, but sometimes you just need to be that way. i used to be a pushover when i first started working and people would take advantage of me all the time. i quickly got sick of that and started to develop a backbone.

but when it comes to those i care about, it’s a different story. even the slightest hint of anger directed at me can affect me for days. even the smallest comment could gnaw at me and slowly consume me. if i found out that someone felt that i had wronged them, it would bother me. i’d want to make things right.

You always tell me that it’s impossible
To be respected, and be a girl
Why’s it gotta be so complicated
Why you gotta tell me if I’m hated
Oh please be careful with me, I’m sensitive
And I’d like to stay that way

like jewel, sometimes i wonder if maybe i’m just better off not knowing if other people hate me. if i didn’t know that, it probably wouldn’t bother me. if i were oblivious to the truth, maybe i’d just be happier. is ignorance really bliss? sometimes i’d like to think that it is because it seems to make life less complicated.

i think intellectually i know that it is always better to deal with any problems that are up so that it doesn’t get worse. sometimes trying to do the right thing is just hard…and who wants to make the effort to do the right thing when you can just as easily do the wrong thing with no effort? it’s the path of least resistance, right? right?

I was thinking, that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we’d give it to everybody who’ll have some faith
So please be careful with me, I’m sensitive
And I’d like to stay that way

sometimes i wonder if some people just don’t give themselves a chance. if they are just too hard on themselves and don’t give themselves the opportunity to be happy. maybe it does require you to be more optimistic. maybe it does require you to do a little bit more work. maybe it requires you to get out of your comfort zone. but i think that all of your efforts, successful or not, are definitely a worthy experience.

I have this theory, that if we’re told we’re bad
Then that’s the only idea we’ll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
‘Cause anyone can start a conflict
it’s harder yet to disregard it
I’d rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me ’cause I’d like to stay that way

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predictable? yes.

corny? sure.

unoriginal? yup.

but still, i can’t help it. jessica alba has won me over and just when i thought i couldn’t love her more, i see her in honey. now, sure, the plot is weak, the storytelling is unoriginal, the one dimensional characters are distracting, and some bad casting calls could ruin the movie, but man…i still liked the movie.

[url=http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/Honey-1127773/]rotten tomatoes[/url] gave it a 16%! sure, the movie doesn’t offer anything interesting. sure, you know how the movie is going to end halfway through the movie. sure, there is no depth. and sure, i’ll even admit that some of the subplots seem a little contrived, but i can only offer one explanation as to why i liked the movie and why it’s very likely that i’ll watch it again: jessica alba is hot.

it’s so sad, but the dance sequences were fun, the celebrity cameos were nice, and i just enjoyed the movie. and did i mention that jessica alba is hot? surely i must have.

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i made some spam musubi last night. i wasn’t sure what to expect, but it actually turned out pretty good, i thought. i must admit that when i first heard about spam musubi i had my doubts.

spam? sushi? eh?

but it was actually pretty good. i was trying to pawn off some of the spam musubi to some of the poker gang, but no one seemed to want to eat it. i can understand the reluctance. jen and leeya were open-minded enough to try some and the both liked it. i ate a plate of it, myself. mmmm. i’m going to make another batch tonight for the volleyball tournament and i’ll take pictures and describe the process. the directions i found on the net were helpful, but i think i’m a visual person so i need more pictures.

i bought a 50 pound bag of rice yesterday and it was considerably harder to carry than the 20 pound bag…go figure. i went through 3 cups of rice as if it were nothing yesterday, though. i think i’m going to make 8 cups tonight so i can make really fat spam musubi, yo. errr phat musubi….err, whatever.

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at this moment there are 5 replaytvs in my apartment. two are in my room, two are out in the living room, and one is still neatly packaged in a box. of these five, one of them’s mine, two are paul’s and two are jen’s. paul’s taking back one of his replays so he can use it when he moves later this month, so jen bought one to replace the one she had been using.

man…we record too much tv. we don’t watch enough of it, but we sure do record a lot.

i knew it what to expect, but my heart still sank when the possibility of ross and rachel not getting back together seemed more possible last night in the friends finale. it’s been a ten year love affair i’ve had with the show and i’m sad to see it go. i’m not sure what my thursday nights are going to be like anymore. a little part of me will forever be changed.

and she got off the plane.

i can’t help it, i’m just a sucker for the love stories that end up working out. regardless of how contrived it may seem, i still can’t help but loving it. serendipity was a movie i liked quite a bit for that very reason. sappy love stories are my weakness.

i was surprised that they didn’t set up joey’s show in the episode, but the preview of the show looked pretty good. i think it definitely has potential.

ahhh, friends. i will miss you. it’s an end of an era.

i’m thinking about getting a bike computer. i wasn’t sure at first what they were called, but indeed, they are called bike computers. all i really wanted was something that would keep track of how fast i was going and how far i went. pretty simple, right? so the speedometer and odometer functions are pretty standard. what i also wanted was a thermometer. apparently this makes the computer ridiculously expensive jumping from $15 computers to $150 computers. oh well, i guess i can live without it.

i’m a little concerned now. i wonder if i will get into the whole fixing up my bike phase that i was in a long, long time ago as a child. i used to work on my bike, get new parts and do all sorts of things just for fun.

which reminds me, i still need to figure out how to store the bike.

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i decided to go biking again. i didn’t really have a destination in mind, but i thought that i’d figure it out as i go. it was roughly 10 miles in about 40 minutes. not bad, i guess, but i definitely decided to try and push myself this time. whenever i felt tired, i tried to keep up the pace and push forward. it was a lot more road biking than i wanted, but i had to get back to the apartment before people came for poker night.

biking is pretty relaxing. it’s kind of nice to be able to just pick up and go wherever you want, not bound by the restrictions of the road.

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volleyball tournament’s coming up this weekend. i think it’s the first shindig summer tournament. i’m pretty excited about it. i haven’t really had much of a chance to play volleyball outside of the one night a week that i’m playing now, so it’s good to be able to get out in the open air and play some volleyball.

i think i’m going to try and make some spam musubi. it seems to be a staple in tournament food. it was pretty good too. i wonder if there is some kind of special sauce that they use for it.

***

ok, so apparently there is a special sauce for the spam musubi. i think i may make a trial run tonight and feed it to the poker night folk. mmmm. spam musubi!

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i’m not totally sure, but i think the major redesigns of the journal have corresponded with major changes in my life. just a random thought.

today was quite a day. i decided to go to the off ramp again to get my front break adjusted. after some advice from jimmy and paul and some debating, i decided that i might as well just go ahead and take advantage of the free adjustments while i can. so they adjusted my front break which was butted up against the wheel. pretty minor change and they did it nice and quick.

after that i headed over to paul’s where we decided to go venture off on a biking trip. we didn’t have a particular destination in mind, and in fact, i don’t think we really had much of a route planned either. we sort of winged it. the map below approximates our route.

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