i had this dream last night that i was in bed spooning someone. i didn’t know who it was, but the feeling of having someone there in bed while i slept felt comforting and safe. something woke me up from my dream and when i woke up and saw that i was indeed alone and it made me a little sad.

maybe that’s what i need to find: a spooning buddy.

currently on rotation on my mp3 player is a little REM/PSB spin:

rem – low
rem – bang and blame
rem – try not to breathe
rem – everybody hurts
rem – nightswimming
rem – i don’t sleep, i dream
rem – strange currencies
pet shop boys – can you forgive her
pet shop boys – nervously
pet shop boys – to face the truth
pet shop boys – to speak is a sin
pet shop boys – jealousy
pet shop boys – london
pet shop boys – home and dry
pet shop boys – in denial
pet shop boys – i get along
pet shop boys – love is a catastrophe

i had a very good chile relleno today for lunch. if i don’t start to get some decent sleep soon, i’m not sure if i will be able to function very well. i’m exhausted today from another night of bad sleep and i’m just barely able to stay awake. i think that i’m going to have to take a break soon and head over to starbucks to get myself a little boost. though the chantico is very tempting, i think i will need something with a little bit more kick in it to help me make it through the day.

i decided to get a double rasberry mocha. we’ll see how that treats me.

john stamos’ new show jake in progress is actually pretty good. i was really hoping that it wouldn’t be another bust or really cheesy, and so far it’s been surprisingly good for a mid-season sitcom. i hope that it continues to be good, unlike committed that started off strong but sort of has fizzled up as of late.

so i went bowling tonight by myself. i was tempted to call someone and see if they wanted to join me, but i decided that it was better to spend the evening alone and collect my thoughts. as it turned out, when i got to the alley, i ended up playing next to cheng, diep, vivian, and company.

oh well, so much for solitude. i am thinking, though, that maybe i should make a day of the week a night of solitude. i wonder how that’ll work out…then again, many nights can shape up like that if i’m not too careful. =P

bowling alone was actually sort of fun though. i played 3 games for $6 and bowled a 119, 154, and 139. so i was still right around my average even though i haven’t bowled in a long time. it took about an hour to finish out those three games and then i went home and lazied about for a bit.

i guess i should take advantage of the tuesday nights that i get off because i’ll be playing volleyball again soon. my new volleyball team name? we’re known as the setting ducks. hopefully we won’t be clobbered by the other teams. =)

it seems that poker night is dying out and i’m not really sure if the gang is really all that interested in hanging out. it seems that people have sort of moved on in their lives and we have all moved in our own directions. i’ve been trying to hang out with some people, but it does seem like everyone is pretty busy these days.

i do have a lot of work to do tonight, but i feel like going out, so i think that i’m going to go out for some bowling fun. i haven’t gone bowling in a long time, and though i don’t think that anyone else would want to go, i think i’m ok with that. i feel like bowling a few games by myself and just clear out my head. some alone time is always good too.

i haven’t blogged as much as i would have liked to the last couple of days because i’ve been in a pretty bad mood. ever since saturday night, i’ve been put into a bad mood and i’ve been trying ever since to get out. i didn’t really realize that i was in a bad mood until i started to realize that i was short-tempered with some people and someone asked me if i was annoyed.

i suppose that i have been pretty upset and i’ve just had a general annoyance with the world and have been taking it out on people. it’s weird because i feel pretty conflicted these days. sometimes i want to hang out with people so i don’t feel quite so alone, while other days i feel like i just want to be all by myself. it’s hard to really decide what i want to do when my moods are ping-ponging left and right.

but i have been trying to get myself in a better mood and i thought that the hike over the weekend and volleyball would put me in a better mood, but i’ve been grouchy the last several days. i’ve been trying hard not to show it or not to let on to other people, but it’s been hard and i guess a few people noticed.

oddly enough, my spirits were lifted slightly today when i decided that what i really needed was some retail therapy. so i decided to go and buy myself an early birthday present. hopefully it’ll arrive before my birthday, but we’ll see. otherwise i’ll have to wait a long while before i can play with my new toy. i don’t really have a good reason for getting it, either…except that i want it. but that’s what spoiling yourself is all about, right? just get what you want, even if it isn’t necessarily practical.

i hung out with my friend in the late afternoon and peppered a little bit and worked on setting. that was pretty fun too. i think that spending a little quality time with some friends is just what i need to lift my spirits again.

i was lamenting about the fact that i had lost a night of volleyball and the team that i had originally thought about putting together seemed to fall apart. but just as quickly as it seemed to fall apart, one of the guys from my sunday night team asked me if i wanted to join his team on tuesday night. so it looks like i will be joining them and playing on tuesday nights again. hopefully it’ll be fun, we’ll see.

it’s strange how life works out sometimes. it’s been a pretty difficult couple of weeks and sometimes i think that it’s just easier to not do anything and just wallow at home waiting for the world to just hand me a better plate, but i’ve never really been much of the passive type. it just seems like such a lazy, whiny way to wish life would work for you. i guess i prefer to take control of my life and be more proactive.