the last few days can only be described as very enjoyable. i’ve been left completely out of the loop at work, which i guess makes sense because i’m on the out anyway.

but my days have been rather enjoyable lately. maybe it’s because i feel like the bulk of my worries have been swept away and all i’m left with is the euphoric feelings of joy that only reckless and wild behavior like mine can inspire. maybe it’s because i have no responsibilities anymore so i feel like a weight has been lifted from my soul. or maybe, just maybe, it’s because i know that i’m going to be eating ramen soon and that brings to me an irrational amount of delight.

i’m going to watch batman begins tomorrow and i’m really rather excited about it. i hope that the movie lives up to my expectations. the last movie i saw (saving face) was surprisingly good and i enjoyed it quite a bit.

i realized that i do have a pet peeve, though. i don’t really like to talk during a movie at a movie theatre. at home, it isn’t as bad, but at a movie theatre it’s a big deal.

speaking of movies, i’ve been watching a lot lately. i watched aviator not too long ago and it was a surprisingly good movie. i also watched something’s gotta give. that was pretty good, too, i thought.

ah, maybe i need to start watching more movies again. they are awfully nice.

it was late in the afternoon, the harsh sun had started its descent into the early evening sky. a cool breeze followed me as i wandered aimlessly through the halls. eventually i found that my feet had taken me outside. the world was bustling, cars were whizzing by with complete disregard for me or my shadow.

i walked along the road, following it to see where it would go. i had no agenda, no purpose, but still found myself driven to my yet unknown destination.

my feet followed each other taking one step after the other. my body followed the feet and as i walked under the overpass i heard cars, trucks, and buses speeding by trying to get to their destination.

something in my soul felt like it had been lost and i felt like i was blindly grasping at straws hoping that one of them would find purpose in my life.

one straw came within reach and as i grabbed for it, it quickly fell out of view, like a dream that you had just woken up from. another straw seemed to be coming into focus, but it left as quickly as it came, just a vague blur of ideas.

somehow while in thought i had found myself in familiar surroundings. there was a calmness around me that eased itself gently into my soul. though i was not sure where i was or what i was doing there, i knew that a little bit of me had found inner peace. i could hear the songs of joy distantly in the background and a voice of serenity seemed to be speaking to me.

i remember saying something vaguely, but my memory fails me now as to what i said and what was said to me.

but then, suddenly, everything snapped into place, reality came crashing down upon me and i found what had set this inner happiness within me. the voice boomed again and this time i heard it clearly.

“a venti java chip frappucchino. that’ll be $4.20, please.” it said.

ah, yes, thank you, starbucks.

i just wrote a huge long blog about everything that has been going on lately, the trials and tribulations, the highs and lows, the good and the bad, but due to user error, i’ve lost it all.

do i really want to go through and type it all out again? probably not. =P

let’s just say that things have been busy and bad. but not all is bad. there have been lots of good times sprinkled in the bad times, so i’m sure that it all works out.

yesterday i was so exhausted that i had to take a nap before volleyball. i have to say that i have had a lot of fun lately playing volleyball. i really think of it as an escape and a release. it’s so nice to be able to just play and forget about all the little worries in the world.

this week has been particularly busy for me. it’s already been a big emotional rollercoaster and i’m still not entirely sure if everything has settled down yet. i think that i’ve started to set aside some issues and just wait for a better time to deal with them. hopefully i’ll have some perspective by then and things won’t seem so sad.

it seems that i have plans for every night this week. i don’t know how that happened, but it happened quickly and i already feel exhausted! i’m meeting with geoff later tonight and i hope to catch up with him. we haven’t really chatted in a long time.

the apartment is a mess too. it’s all my fault and i need to get my act together and clean it up. it’s just that i’ve been getting home late and i feel like i’m on the brink of breaking down, so instead of cleaning up like i should, i just go to my room and collapse on my bed.

things are finally sort of looking up. there’s a lot of uncertainty in the air, but it’s better than certain doom and gloom.

this weekend is full of things that just weren’t meant to be. i thought that i would be able to handle these things gracefully, but as time goes by, i think that i’m just becoming more cognisant of just how much things were never meant to be.

on saturday, a bunch of us were thinking about biking the golden gate bridge, heading into sausalito, and lazying about. it sounded like a wonderful weekend but the weather has been looming over our heads lately.

when i called paul to ask how the weather was holding, i was informed that the biking trip was cancelled. everything had been planned so well…except the weather. it just was not meant to be.

a few of us decided that a little weather shouldn’t stop us from going out and we decided to hike the long ridge trail in the palo alto hills. the hike was fun, short, and scenic.

after the hike, we twisted our way through the treacherous road that led us back in palo alto. we ate at the cheesecake factory. usually the cheesecake factory provides an excellent meal, but my usual order was rather bland and uninteresting. it just was not meant to be.

i was supposed to do some work this weekend, but i just haven’t had the motivation to get in front of the computer and clock any hours. it just was not meant to be.

and this weekend, i finally started to be bold. i did things that were out of character and i just decided to let whatever will be, will be. as it turns out my efforts didn’t quite yield the results that i anticipated and though being bold felt really good, it just wasn’t meant to be.

it seems a friend of mine is going through a rough moment. i remember a long time ago when i had felt completely lost. i didn’t know what i was looking for, where to go, or what to do. it was during this time in my life that i started to explore other means of fulfillment. in those days i met a bunch of genuinely grand people whose hearts were filled with love and were unafraid to share their joy with others.

it was during this time that i learned a song that i particularly liked. it is called let the flame burn brighter. whenever i am reminded of this song, it warms my heart. the part of the song that really won me over was the chorus:

Let the flame burn brighter in the heart of the darkness
Turning night to glorious day
Let the song grow louder as our love grows stronger
Let it shine
Let it shine

i went to eric and ivy’s last night to pick up the joyous 24-70mm f/2.8L. it’s my second L lens, but my first f/2.8 lens. it’s a lot heavier than i thought it would be, but it is just beautiful.

i haven’t had much of a chance to take pictures with it, but i’m expecting to be wowed. wowed, i say. now, this is sort of a big lens, but i think that i will plan to make it my primary lens. ah yes, now i have two lenses with the golden red ring around the collar.

we’ll see how lovely the pictures come out when i go shooting tomorrow.

i bought a bottle of cologne over the weekend. i am not ordinarily a cologne wearing kind of a guy, but i’ve decided to try out this experiment. this morning when i went to put some on, way, way more than i was expecting got sprayed on me. my roommate exclaimed, “WOAH! PUT ENOUGH ON?!”

now, every so often, i will smell something weird and i’d look around to see what it is only to discover that it’s me. =P

remember the old sierra game leisure suit larry? it was one of the first mainstream adult games for the PC. i remember when you started the game, you would have to answer these trivia questions that only “mature” audiences would know the answers to. i found that pretty funny.

one of the LSL games was called leisure suit larry goes looking for love (in several wrong places). i used to go looking for love. quite often i would be looking for love in all sorts of places, sometimes in the wrong places, sometimes in no place i really should have gone. i do want to find love, the kind of crazy love that consumes you for the rest of your life. but i don’t think that i’m looking for love anymore.

it’s strange. it used to be my personal quest to be looking for love. most recently, i feel like i’m not even looking anymore. people say that love will find you when you least expect it and sometimes in the most unsuspecting of places. i agree with that, and though i feel like i have (temporarily =P) given up looking for love, i do hope that love will find me.

and hey, love, find me soon, ok?