i was telling a friend about a recent plight of mine and how it was really rather upsetting. my friend then said, “you’re gonna take it ou on them tonight aren’t you?” oh how well they know me. i was considering it for a while thinking that it’d make me feel better but when the time came, i just didn’t have the heart to do it anymore.

just thinking about the whole ordeal started to get me down and i couldn’t get myself to wreak havoc on the person because it just started reminded me of the whole thing. it’s all over and done with anyway and there was no malice to the person’s actions. it was an honest misunderstanding so i might as well let bygones be bygones.

odd though…i used to make such pleasure in doing something like that. i wonder if i’m growing soft in my old age.

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saturday was the shindig tournament. it was a reverse 4s tournament that i played with jen, cathy, and de. it was a lot of fun and it was good to hang out with them. we had fun and played pretty well, though i think that i tweaked my ankle while playing over the weekend. not sure how i managed to tweak it while wearing an active ankle brace, but it hurt like you can’t imagine and still smarts now. *sigh* me and my ankle woes. when will it ever end?

sunday was spent with the fam celebrating father’s day. it was during this brunch that the conversation about me buying a house was started. i’m still not totally sure if this is something that i want to do, but i agreed to have my dad talk to his realtor friend to get me set up to look at some homes. it still feels a little wrong to look for a house without a wife…i don’t know, i just have this romanticized dream that my first house will be with my wife.

but i guess a lot of things said during that conversation made sense, so i guess i’ll just go start looking to buy a home. sigh.

man, this week has run me ragged. i haven’t been sleeping much at all lately. part of it is because i have things on my mind, part of it is because i’ve just been too busy enjoying myself into the wee hours of the night.

i think it’s finally catching up on me though. i’ll probably take it easy today and just do some quick grocery shopping and then get some much needed rest. perhaps i’ll watch my latest shipment of netflix movies. that would be nice.

i had a donut just now to stave off my hunger. it’s only 9 in the morning and i’m already hungry. how could that be possible? i just don’t get it.

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on [url=http://jimmy.ocliw.com]jimmy’s suggestion[/url] i decided to get the [url=http://www.pricepoint.com/detail/12702-135_SETVV4_KIT-4-Specials-116-Combo-Deals/Sette-Vector-Straight-Handlebar-2014-w_-Sette-Venn-Mountain-Stem.htm]sette vector straight handlebar and the sette venn mountain stem[/url]. i’ve been wanting a new stem for my bike to alter the riding position just a little bit. we’ll see if this makes a difference. now, the big thing is whether or not i have the tools to swap out the stem and handlebar. hmmmmm. i’m not sure that i do. we’ll see though. i haven’t gone biking at all this week. i’ve been pretty bad. i wonder if i should try biking this weekend. it seems like the weekend is already full with the volleyball tournament on saturday and sunday being father’s day. but hopefully the stem will come next week sometime and i’ll have a chance to replace it and try it on. i wonder what i should do with my old stem and handlebar. i don’t think that i would really want to store it around or anything…i already have too much crap lying around as is.

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i’m having a hard time concentrating at work right now. maybe it’s the complete lack of sleep. maybe it’s the weird weather we’re having. i’m pretty sure it’s the lack of sleep. i ended up sleeping a little after 2. not for any particular reason, i wasn’t that sleepy at 2 either, but i knew if i did not go to sleep soon that it would become that much harder for me to go wake up at 5:30. yeah…pushing on a little less than 3 hours of sleep and i think that my plans for the rest of the day just got cancelled so maybe i’ll go home and make some food and call it an evening.

i’ve been craving some good cooking lately. i wonder what i would make if i had my choice. hmmmmm. let’s see. i think that i’m sort of in the mood for some japanese food. maybe some sukiyaki. ooooh, i haven’t had sukiyaki in AGES. hmmmm, you know, i think that’s what i’m going to do. food is such a great comfort.

but i don’t think that i’ll stop there. no, i do feel like something more than just a little sukiyaki. i think that i’ll also make tempura. now that’s something i haven’t made in a long, long time. mmmmm.

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every so often i get this pang of pain. different things seem to trigger it, but it inevitably is the same feeling. i don’t know why it comes over me and sometimes it comes at the strangest times.

i feel like such a rotten friend. a friend recently shared some good news with me and i was happy for them, but at the same time i felt sad for myself. it’s a strange, selfish sadness of mine that i know i had to get over with already. good, happy news shouldn’t be a downer. i tried to put on a good face, but i think i just got a little too caught up in how i felt. i’m mostly over it now, though.

it’s funny how one thing dovetails into another though. seemingly unrelated items can suddenly conjur up related ideas that start to feed off each other.

sometimes i wonder if i’m deluding myself into happiness…or at least contentment. most of the time i think that i feel either genuinely happy or content. but then there’s that moment every once in a while of this greater sadness that seems to well up inside me and once it has reached its brim it comes gushing out all of a sudden. but as quickly as it comes, it goes away. i’m not sure what’s up with these mood swings and i try hard not to let them affect me too much.

is there a greater sadness that is consuming me and i’m just looking the other way? i find myself asking that to see if there really is a greater issue that needs to be resolved. i think ultimately i’m ok. there isn’t anything that i can point out that may be the cause of what’s giving me the blues from time to time. i guess it’s just the way things are.

like i said, as quickly as the moment comes, it usually goes.

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i got into the office at 10 this morning. three hours later than i usually do. i woke up at 5:30, though, before my alarm which was happily still enjoying its sleep. i started to get ready and was all set to go to work when i realized that i was going in late today and i needed to wait a while before i do anything.

i finally rolled into work at 10. the traffic was a lot worse than i remembered it being…or maybe i’m just too used to the traffic-less freeways at 6 in the morning. but now that i’m in the office i’m just getting settled in and i’m trying to prep for a meeting i have soon. after the meeting will be lunch time already! usually lunch time marks the ending stretch of my day, but today it’ll be just the start.

a meeting at 5:30. *sigh* i guess it’ll be ok.

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