i think you’re cute

after finding out on monday that i was disqualified i was pretty bummed out that i couldn’t play and i was hanging out on the sidelines. my friend was talking to her teammate.

teammate: how come your friend isn’t playing?
friend: oh, his name wasn’t on the roster, so he got disqualified.
teammate: oh, that sucks.
friend: yeah, he’s pretty bummed out about it.
teammate: well if it makes him feel any better, you can tell him that i think he’s cute.
friend: oh yeah? he told me at the beginning of the season that he thought you were cute too.
teammate: oh…i’m taken.
friend: oh.

does it really make one feel better that they are told that they are cute if the person who is telling you this has no intention of dating you? that’s not much consolation for me. sure, that’s like saying to a starving man, oh, there’s a lot of food right over there in the next room, but you can’t have any…but the food is really good.

what i really need are hot, single women to tell me i’m cute who are looking to date me.

yeah. that would be fun.


just a friend

i have a friend who i think it pretty cool and hanging out with them is always an enjoyable experience. we quickly became friends and we get along great. some people get the wrong idea that something may be up between us, but this is probably the farthest from the truth. we’re just friends. she is just a friend.

i have another friend who i thought we were closer. we have gone through a lot together and our friendship over the years have grown to what i thought was a very strong bond. she understands me, even the most subtle of behaviors she can pick up on and understand my mood. she’ll know when something is bothering me when no one else will. she’ll know when i’m really happy and when i’m really sad and she’ll know how to make me feel better about it when i am down.

what i’m starting to realize though is that just because someone understands you through and through, it does not mean that you are very close friends. when asked in high school what i was looking for in a relationship, i used to say i want to meet someone who understands me better than i understand myself. i used to think that that was the fundamental quality that separated friends from girlfriends.

but i’m beginning to see that just because someone understands you at that level isn’t a reflection of the nature of your friendship. maybe i’m just very easy to read. i think that i did confuse that kind of understanding with some kind of deeper bond. i think that it is the case that a strong friendship would have this level of understanding, but it isn’t true that just because you have that level of understanding that you have a strong friendship.

but she and i…well, she’s just a friend. not a best friend, just one that seems to understand me.

it’s something that i’m trying to understand and accept. it’s just weird. i’ve never had that kind of a friendship before.


different people deal with hardship in different ways. i used to think that when someone experiences a great hardship in life, though it may be a particularly trying time for them, after they get through it, they are a better person because of it. maybe it develops a strength in their character, maybe it matures them, maybe it gives them a new perspective on life.

but more and more i’m beginning to realize that this is not the case. just because you experience hardship doesn’t mean that you will necessarily learn anything from it, nor will you be a better person…in fact, it may just make you more jaded, cynical, and unpleasant than ever before.

i think that it is a matter of perspective. some of us feel that we are owed certain things in life and if we don’t get these things, the world is wrong. it’s hard for me to understand how people can walk around thinking that the whole world is out to get them, that there is some kind of implicit conspiracy against them and that the design of the world is created in such a fashion that it is against them. what kind of grand design would it require to have the world specifically targetted to make your life miserable?

how you deal with hardship, how you deal with situations really shape the perceptions of one’s world. it’s a shame to see people disappointed with what they’ve got and believe that they have no control to make things better for themselves.


Beyond power of speech,
When the one thing you want
Is the only thing out of your reach.

last night was playoffs for my citybeach team. we were coming into playoffs ranked 3rd and had a pretty decent shot at taking the title. when it came to playing our first game, we had a roster check and to my horror my name was not on the roster. as a result i was disqualified from playing, so the team had to play without me. apparently there was a mix up in the roster and we never put my name back on the roster after it was taken off due to my injury last season.

so i couldn’t play. *sigh* it was a pretty big disappointment…i was looking forward to playing this season. so sad.

i left citybeach and got some pearl tea therapy and that helped, but it still stung. then i realized that i misplaced my driver’s license so i went back to citybeach retracing my steps to finally find it on the ground next to where i had parked my car earlier that evening. apparently it had fallen out of my bag as i had stormed out earlier.

i heard that the team made it to semis, but got eliminated and didn’t make it to finals. man…that sucks.

another season gone by and i *STILL* haven’t earned a playoff shirt. next season will be better!



today was a day spent in recovery. after work i got home i almost immediately fell asleep. i usually don’t like to take naps, but i think that i needed it. i haven’t had dinner yet and volleyball is coming up soon so i think that i’ll have to skip out on dinner before the game…don’t want to be weighed down.

hopefully today’s recover will prepare me for the rest of the week…


tiring weekend

it’s been a rough weekend. i was pretty exhausted last night after volleyball and was eager to go home, shower, and go to bed. this weekend wasn’t quite as relaxing as i had originally hoped, but i was able to do a few nice things.

first off, we tried our hands at a lan party. josh, nelson, mike, paul, and i ended up playing some games. it’s been a strange evolution over the years. first it started with coax cables with BNCs and terminators. we used dos drivers to network machines. talk about crazy times. and then we moved to 10baseT with ethernet cable being strung all over the place with hubs. soon thereafter we went to 100Mbps connections with switches to play our games…and yesterday, all of us were outfitted with laptops and were playing over the air on a wireless network. tear down was very quick. no network wires to deal with. i’m still waiting for wireless power.

but yeah, pretty exhausted last night. i went quickly to sleep and i still feel tired now. hopefully i can sneak in a nap later this afternoon before volleyball.


idiot of the year award goes to…


ok, let’s just get it over with, point and laugh at me and call me an idiot. go ahead. get it out of your system.


feel better?

good. now i can tell you why i deserve such ridicule and mockery.

i got a flat tire back in october of 2003. yup, 9 months ago. 270 days ago. 6,480 hours ago. 388,800 minutes ago. and more seconds than i care to think about. given that, you would think it would have been ample time to replace the flat tire that i had so that i had a functional spare, right?

yeah….uhhhh, one would think.

but, of course, i am an idiot and i didn’t. so needless to say that when one of my tires blew out yesterday the first thought that came to my head was, “uh oh. i’m in trouble now.” and so came the call to AAA. my mom told me a long time ago that it was always better safe than sorry to have AAA membership because you never know when you might need help on the road. sure, sure, mom…whatever. so i kept paying my membership dues and i got the free maps and it was all good, but a waste of money, i thought.


until yesterday.

so AAA sent over a tow truck and once the tow truck guy came, he asked me, don’t have a spare? and so i told him that the spare was flat too. and he looked at me and started to give me grief about that.

“so you thought that you could just drive around and nothing bad could ever happen to you? that you were somehow blessed by the driving gods and exempt from some kind of accident?”

at this point i had already felt pretty stupid and pretty bad about myself that his reaction was a bit of a surprise to me.

“well, it’s because of people like me that you have a job, right?” i replied with a grin and he laughed and agreed and after that we got along fabulously.

the tow truck man took me to walmart where they do tire servicing and dropped me off. on our drive over to walmart, we talked about all sorts of things including the tendency for second and third generation immigrants to reject their heritage and try to become more americanized. he was relating how there was a strong tendency to do that in his generation because there was a stigma to speak spanish openly where he grew up because it meant that you were a lesser class citizen.

he also told me about how he took a japanese class and was learning the language. he said that it was to broaden his horizons. imagine that. a 50 year old hispanic man taking a japanese class to broaden his horizons. that is pretty cool. definitely not something one would expect.


i don’t think tires are supposed to look like this.

but now my car has four new tires and all is well…my spare is also a functional spare.


tow, poker, and domino dancing

last night [url=http://www.tow.com]adam[/url] came over to borrow some lighting gear for some weddings that he’s going to shoot. i got out the bulk of my lighting stuff and he took with him some umbrellas, stands, and the like. i’m very curious to see how that will work out for him.

there were a bunch of fresh faces at poker night last night. trang, johnny, and cathy were all relative newcomers and joined the usual crowd. i’ll use the word “usual” loosely since it seems that many of the regulars seem to be missing. it was all good, though, we played quite a few games and had fun. there were a few waves of people who came about and as quickly as they came, they left.

jason, jen, cathy and i ended up playing some dominoes afterwards. i really do enjoy my domino set and i’m glad that i learned how to play. ooooh, maybe i should set up a mahjong night…if only i could find the right four…

i do miss playing GO, though. hopefully i’ll be able to play it soon again. i’ve been playing it online with shirley while she’s in taiwan. pretty entertaining, i must say.


the driving range

i went to the driving range yesterday and hit half a large bucket of balls while cathy hit the other half. there are a few things that i’ve come to realize. first, i have the world’s largest slice. second, my swing is so biased to slice the ball, i don’t know if i can correct it on my own. i may need serious attention if i want to correct it. i can tell that i have a pretty severe outside-in swing. *sigh* whatever happened to the 250 yard drives splitting the fairway in half?

but it was fun getting out there and swinging the clubs again. it’s been a while since i’ve had the chance to go out and do so. i really ought to start playing in the tournaments for the club i’m in…hmmmm…but it’s so hot these days…

golf…i’m meeting more and more people who are into it now. i guess it’s just a sign that i’m getting older. or maybe i was just a really mature child. yeah…ummm, that’s it.