i realize that i’ve been unusually negative lately. it’s strange because i don’t think that i’m really all that sad or anything, but when i think about things to write, i seem to really focus on the negative.

maybe it’s always been that way for me. i tend to write about what lingers on my mind, and usually that’s the bad. or maybe i’ve just been blocking out the bad so much that now it just seems to be spewing forth. who knows?

a friend of mine has told others when they are stressed they need to take a deep breath and then repeat to themselves “serenity now!” though i don’t feel any more serene, i do find myself rather contemplative.

it’s days like this that you wish you can start over, but i think even if i did, i wouldn’t have done things differently. such is life, they say.

i’m sitting at an internet cafe right now in cupertino waiting to meet up with some friends that i’m going to be doing a wedding shoot for. this’ll be the first time that i’ll be the primary photographer for a wedding and it makes me a little nervous. i talked to my mom about it and she said that it is too much responsibility and i should find someone else to do it for me.

i did had those kinds of thoughts too, but the guy who asked me to take his wedding photographs is a very highly respected photographer in my eyes. i’m honored that he asked me to take pictures for him and i hope not to disappoint. i’m actually kind of excited about it.

dardy wrote:

“i think both of us are looking for knock-you-off-your-feet passion, and we’re not able to find it. and then, we’re left to wonder if that’s just impossible to obtain now, and we should settle down with a relationship that’s safe and secure.”

i am definitely looking for the knock-you-off-your-feet kind of passion in a relationship. i haven’t found it, but i don’t think that i can ever settle down with a relationship that’s safe and secure. it just isn’t enough for me.

the thing about love is that it is easy to mistake true love with something that wasn’t meant to work out. how often do we find ourselves deep in puppy love craving to be with the object of your affection only to find, sometime later, that it wasn’t meant to be? crushes and infatuations are easily mistaken for true love.

but regardless of how easy it seems to mistake true love for something else, i don’t think that i would ever be discouraged from seeking out true love. i couldn’t possibly be happy to just be content. i expect more out of life and more out of myself. to have any less, though it may seem unlikely at times, would really be a life that is only mediocre. i don’t think that love should EVER be mediocre. it should always be fabulous.

today was a bad day. there was just something that felt off and i have been trying to shake it off but it hasn’t been working out very well for me so far. it’s 3:31AM! surely ther must be a way for me to get some sleep. take my mind off of this sadness that has erupted from within and just forget it all, if not for but a moment.

some days are better than others, but today, today was a bad day. i’m hoping it’ll end soon, quickly and quietly without any more incident.

it all started a few days ago when a rather large pimple decided to make a home for itself on my nose. he seemed rather comfortable there and he started to become quite comfortable and fat.

having inhabited my face, i think that he must have told some friends about how wonderful it was living on my nose and a pimple friend of his moved into the neighborhood in the middle of my forehead. i think the neighbor got really lonely though, so he invited a friend to pretty much move in with him in his newly built duplex. so now there are two surprisingly large pimples parked in the middle of my forehead.

not to be outdone, a developer of pimples decided to start construction on the hairline of the left side of my forehead. the hair provides adequate shading from the sun so they will not see the light of day.

seriously…what is going on here? i’m usually not this vain, but really, this is getting ridiculous!

yes, my ever improving diet has now expanded to eating four 6 piece rolls of sushi and two 2 piece nigiris for lunch.

overeat?

me?

never!

lost my ability to walk like normal humans and instead waddle like a penguin?

ummmm…

maybe.

i was talking to a friend and we were talking about what one should say and what one should not say to others. i believe that there are things that one should say, not because they necessarily believe it, but because there are moral implications that need to be considered.

for example, i have told a friend that they should find marriage as an exciting prospect. i have told them that they should find happiness in their future. it could very well be the case that i don’t believe that these things are going to happen, but instead of telling them negatively what i think could happen, i tell them what i think should happen.

yes, sometimes it’s great to be direct to find out what’s going on and what people really think, but sometimes it may not be appropriate or appreciated. if that’s the case, is biting your tongue the best option?

my face is breaking out like a convict outta jail. it must be all the ice cream i’m eating. i don’t know what is going on, but it looks like i’m going to have to cut out the ice cream consumption a bit. it’s too bad because i think i have about 4 gallons of ice cream in the freezer right now. it’s ridiculous, yet wonderful.

not only is it sunny, but it’s warm outside now too. how strange is the weather. i had a poker night last night and invited several people to come over and play some cards. we didn’t play too much, but it was nice to have the gang over. i had too much ice cream in the freezer and no one was eating it. it’s quite sad to see so much ice cream go so unappreciated. really, it is. i was so excited about having a root beer float taste test and i bought three different kinds of root beer to try it out. no one else had a root beer float. it’s sort of sad.

it’s been a long time since i’ve had people over, though. i think that it may be time that i throw a dinner for everyone. that would be good fun, i think.

imagine my surprise as i drove up to oakland to find rain. rain? in june? what is going on with this crazy weather? i listened to the weather forecast and it seems that it is going to rain throughout the day and tomorrow morning, too! it just figures that it would rain this week. i just gave jenna a bath over the weekend.

as i was listening to the weather report, they said that it was not necessarily uncommon to have rain this late in the year. isn’t the expression “april showers bring may flowers” supposed to give people comfort when it rains in april?