you never are smart…

i was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and she said something to me that i thought was pretty hilarious. we were talking about how when it comes to affairs of the heart logic and reason don’t really seem to have much of a role when we make our decisions.

i know this from experience because i’ve made decisions in the past where i knew that it was a bad idea to be doing something, but i still did it anyway because…well, my heart wouldn’t let me do any other thing.

and so i was lamenting and telling her about how one would think that after going through those experiences that you would learn from your mistakes and that you would not repeat them. if you know that pursuing a relationship with someone is not a good idea, you’d recognize that it wasn’t a good idea and you would not go through with it. one would think… i was telling her about how i’m currently contemplating whether or not to try the whole online dating thing. in some ways i still feel that there’s a bit of a stigma there, but in other ways i sort of feel like i’ve done that before and it didn’t really work out so well so maybe i shouldn’t really think too much about it.

my friend said to me, “you know, you never hear about what a smart decision they made when they were in love. you always hear about how stupid they were and how stupid love makes you.”

and it is true. you never do hear about how smart you are when you are in love because love just isn’t smart. it isn’t dumb, either, rather i think it’s more all-encompassing. it just sucks you up and consumes you. your mind gets filled with thoughts of that other person and no matter how hard you try and not think about them the opposite happens and your thoughts always wander back to them. this is infatuation at its greatest.

and once infatuation sets in…it’s hard to think straight.

oh dear

yesterday was not a very good day for me. with my ailing health, i swear, sometimes i feel like i’m 80 years old. i had some severe back problems which prevented me from doing any kind of work so after having spent an hour getting to work and toughing through two of the most grueling hours of my life, i called it quits and went home.

traffic was outrageously bad so after i hit milpitas i went to a starbucks to get online and see if trang and shirley had woken up yet so i could bum at their place. by the time i finally managed to get online i saw that they had already left for the day so i decided to bum around in milpitas for a little bit waiting for the traffic to die down.

finally got home to find that the cable was out which was the final blow to an already trying day. slept for most of the day, through lunch and woke up around 5. ordered pizza for dinner, but wasn’t able to eat too much. after i got some food in me, though, i was much happier, my headache had cleared, and the cable was back on.

i relaxed for the rest of the day, mostly in bed nursing my back. it finally felt better and now i’m at work again. i think that sitting for long times actually aggravates my back, so i am taking frequent breaks and little walks to the kitchen at work.