oh yeah, i forgot to mention that my brother and i went to tonight’s warriors game where they beat down LA and won the game. it’s always nice to watch the warriors play AND see them win. the last time i saw them do that, they played the LA lakers. this time, it was the LA clippers. heh. heh. the clippers.

but still, the game was a lot of fun (thanks thanh for the tickets!) and we had great seats. i don’t know if i can ever go to a basketball game again with bad tickets. it’s just too cool to have the super treatment.

—–

my brother and i were waxing philosophical differences about women. he believes that there are two things common to all women: they are all needy and all jealous.

heh.

it never ceases to amaze me how completely frustrating life can be. sometimes it seems that there are no clear answers to be found, ever. nothing just is…rather, it usually just might be this or it might be that. why is it that life has a tendency to lean towards the ambiguous as opposed to the obvious and straightforwardness that we would all rather enjoy?

perhaps it is this way because we feel that we ultimately know what the reality of the situation is, but we aren’t prepared to accept that reality so instead we try to leave things as ambiguous so that we can fool ourselves into thinking that things may not be as obvious as we see it to be. maybe we are just fooling ourselves because we aren’t ready for the disappointment that lies ahead of us.

why is it that there appear to be no clear answers anymore?

maybe they are clear, i just don’t like the picture.

in each of us exists a sadness so profoundly painful that we build tools to help us cope with the situation we are in. denial is a powerful mechanism that we employ to help shape reality into what we want. no, things can’t possibly be as bad as it looks. it just can’t. maybe, just maybe, it isn’t. that’s how it all starts.

i got stuck in a moment tonight where i felt i had hit a low, oddly enough in a time where there was rejoicing and happiness around me. but in that very moment, i felt more alone than i ever had. it was a poignant moment that i got sucked into and from that moment i tried desperately to escape the grasp of sadness’s unyielding hand.

i’m not sure what it was that triggered it all. maybe everything that has been happening to me for the last several weeks was just building up to that moment. maybe, secretly, i knew that the moment was coming and i was afraid of what it would be like. maybe that’s why i’ve been running away from everything familiar. maybe that’s why i’ve become obsessed with cleaning my room, my closet, my surroundings. maybe i’ve been doing everything that i possibly can to avoid this very moment.

i think what it all boils down to is denial. i’ve been trying to deny reality so that i won’t have to look it in the eye and see what it has dealt me.

and i was doing a good job of it…until tonight.